Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Maybe...

When you know your a queen
It's not about objects or things...
or places you may have gone.

Its about a feeling.
When you know you deserve
the best,
No matter how phenomenal you
may treat me
all in all
it can very well be your "inaction"
that makes me question
...kinda makes me wonder

is it worth it all
is it worth the risk
does the feeling I feel
when I'm with you
able to out weigh
the feeling that I feel
when your away

Maybe it's insecurities
Maybe it's past catastrophic relationships

Maybe when it's all said & done
The questions will all be answered
the "maybes" will go away
and God will shine
a light on the truth
and all this worry would have been
for nothing.
Maybe...

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

No Apologies

Yes...I come from a two parent household.
Yes....my mom & dad both went to college & earned degrees.
Yes...growing up we ate dinner at the dinner table, together.
Yes...my mom would cook, my brother and I would set the table, and my dad would smoke his pipe and pay bills or read the paper or time magazine as we got things together.
Yes...we respected and honored our parents and grandparents
...because thats what we were taught.
Yes...we went to a good school with children of different races.
Yes...we spoke proper english.
Yes...we went to church on Sundays.
And yes, we went back to my grandparents after church for Sunday dinner, with my Aunts, Uncles and cousins.
Yes...my father was the "head of the household".
Yes...my mother supported her man.
Yes...life wasn't perfect but it wasn't complicated either.
Yes...my mother was a teacher, a mother, a beauty and my families heart & soul.
Yes... as I got older these feelings of everyone living the way we lived dimnished.
But I make no apologies
Yes...we watched the Huxtables but we did not think we were the Huxtables.
We're The Léon's
And I make no apologies.
Yes...we met families and people that had different, very different upbringings
So Yes...we understood how blessed we were, my parents made sure they told us that frequently.
But still, I make no apologies.
Yes...my family was a good family and I'm proud of it.
Yes...we grew up with other african american families who were also well employed, mostly married, and raising their children in the same fashion.
Yes...my family loves everyone and doesn't discriminate... so why do you?
Today I stand proud to be a Léon... decendent of a great Haitian family
Today I stand proud to be a Barnes... decendent of a great Black American family
I make no apologies for the great family I was blessed to be born in, we may not have been perfect, in fact far from it but we loved without boundaries.
Yes love is boundless....
So for that fact alone... I make no apologies.

Love & Blessings,

Buttaflibabee



I wrote the poem above after an overwhelming feeling of pride for my family. Over the course of several years I have dated (and even married) men who for whatever reason made me silly for being so close to mine. One individual specifically went as far as making me feel guilty, as though I were to apologize for having such a awesome upbringing. I'm not quite sure why he did that...was I to be ashamed for being born into love?  Those feelings are the reasons why I thank God and every single spirit, angel, and force that ushered me into such an amazing unit. I admit, my family is far from perfect, but then again whose family is? So enjoy life and love everyone around you a little bit more because when it comes down to it we are all family!
- Buttaflibabee

Friday, August 3, 2012

He is...

I've known him for 16 years... he is for every sense of the word my "Soul Mate", my Reginald.  He is the one that has known me before I was Buttaflibabee, he knew me when I was in the depth of my cocoon when I was that "unreformed fatgirl"... not so pretty... not so confident... I was just soul, yet he still loved me.  I was a caterpillar and he was Reggie.  He is the one that would move mountains and earth itself simply to do what is right & good for me, he protected me without even trying.  

I can remember back in my college days the time had come to head back to school and for whatever reason this time around I had no partner to help me drive back... YIKES!  I was terrified, faced with an 8 hour trip all alone.  Of course my parents and grandparents were all worried because this was the first time I had to go it alone.  Later that night Reginald and I talked about the issue, he listened to how nervous I was, he felt every fear, he could tell this was something I was completely not looking forward to.  A few days later this would all change,  Reginald called to tell me he was taking a bus to Chicago, aware that once he pulled into the city he would be pulling right back out the next day, on top of that he would be helping me drive 8 hours back to Mississippi.  He is that guy that simply does things like that for me... lil ole Keshia from Westmont IL.  To him I am someone special just because I am.  He is that man I could talk to for hours and hours on end about any and everything,  clearly in sync with each other’s thoughts and emotions, able to read each other’s minds... he is my best-friend.  

Right now Reginald is in Saudi Arabia teaching, and even though we are on two totally different sides of the world for some reason we’ve gotten back to reading each other’s mind and appreciating our relationship.  When I wake up he’s in the middle of his day… when I’m at work he’s relaxing preparing for bed… when I’m going to bed he’s waking up.  He is my guy without question because we've been through years together, sixteen… did I mention that?  Isn’t that amazing?  He's been alongside, with me throughout my relationship heartaches because he is my confidant and my comforter.  We've shared similar relationship experiences and we have been each others shoulder to cry on. We listen to each other without judgment, but still questioning each other’s motives in a loving way... pushing each other along this road, hoping we would learn from every experience.  We've seen the best in each other and I know having him in my life is necessary, because life without him is just unfathomable.  This friendship- this love- is indeed undeniable... invincible... and eternally infinite.  He is my Kwame.  

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee