Saturday, February 20, 2010

Answer=Journey

Recently I've been asked by friends and followers... "when did you start writing?" or "I didn't know you were a writer" my answer to that is usually... hell neither did I. When I tell you that I stumbled on writing and blogging I really do mean that. I mean... trust me... the truth of the matter is I have been looking, searching and hunting to find my purpose in life and believe me there has been times where I thought I would never find my path. Throughout my life I thought I was meant live out my career in a number of different industries... at first thought I was meant to be a singer because I have a pretty good singing voice. Then there was a time I thought I was going to be a realtor because I love real estate and home improvement, oh and then of course I can't forget the times I thought I should become an event planner and the reason for that is... of course... because I love parties and all of the elements of party planning. When I look back on life I've gone from thoughts of becoming a personnel chief, to professional stager/interior designer, all the way to undergarment & health sales person, and when you boil things down, each and every one are wonderful careers... but ummmmmm... not quite the right fit for me. So now I'm here blogging... putting my thoughts into words, and putting those words onto a blog for all the world to view, read, comment, identify with and/or scrutinize... and at the end of the day it's still all love no matter how scary this can be for me. Shortly after I declared my decision to proceed with my divorce I became unemployed, at that point in my life I was searching for something but I couldn't put my finger on what that something was, all I knew is that I had to do better than what I was currently doing. I then began to seek the answer the question of what was missing in my life, here I was thinking that by seeking the answer certainly I would find it, what I didn't realize is that all I was finding was more and more wrong answers. I wasn't aware at that time, and didn't know that I couldn't find the answer to my questions by continuously trying to seek answers, what eventually dawned on me is the reason you have the question in the first place is because you have no idea what the answer should look like, feel like, or act like. The best thing for me was to keep asking the question... to live in the question. I now realize that when I became open and admitted to myself that I didn't have a clue to what my purpose was in life is the exact time I found myself stumbling onto the right path. I knew I needed to work at some point, lets face it I'm a 30 something year old woman who has bills to pay, but this time I told myself when I reentered the workforce it would be different. I knew I would take whatever I was blessed with and have a more simple outlook on things, by this I mean I didn't get my new position and think... "oh boy I'm going to get promoted, and I'm going to make 75k a year and then I'm gonna move up and up and up in this company" that was the mistakes of the past. Instead I accepted the position for what it is right now, learn from job, learn to accept constructive criticism... like I said earlier keepin it simple. Now that I've simplified my life living has been nothing but phenomenal, so I do my thing... put my thoughts into words, those words onto this blog and allow the world to view, read, comment, identify with and/or scrutinize it, but I know just by living in the question I have gotten closer to the answer. My journey is not done yet and I don't want it to be, but I do know I'm on the right track.... and how sweet is that! Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Best thing ever!

I'm gonna say this one time and one time only... Women handle yours! Ask anyone how much I love being a woman and they will tell you I'm probably the most girlie girl they've ever met. What I mean by women handle yours is this ... don't wait for a man to come in, sweep you off your feet, and make love to you until the sun rises. IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN! When I say handle yours not only do I mean it in the literal sense... but also in the physical... ummmm basically get familiar with your girlie parts. Embracing this area is the best thing since the tampon... so love it! As a civilized society we as women need to learn to cherish who we are, men have been embracing (pun totally intended) this freedom since they were boys and we need to find that same freedom and teach it to our daughters, nieces, cousins, aunts, sisters, mothers, and sometimes grandmothers. If you feel like you need a little lovin' or you need some kind of release, please release yourself because it's a shame if you don't. I understand how sometimes this can be a touchy (pun totally intended) subject for some women, because in order for us to have this type of release we must strategically plan the event, we think about it, then we try and overcompensate for it by busying ourselves with something else, then if we're honest about things, we will eventually let ourselves have that pleasure. The point that I want to convey is that if we learn to embrace and love that which is our sexual energy, we will find ourselves having less complicated feelings towards men. I honestly feel that this lack of connecting with our bodies on a sexual level is the main reason why there is a cosmic shift of power between women and men later in life. Generally in the beginning women posses such a wonderful power that is not even realized or even recognized... clearly, then as we grow older the shift of power happens. Men are strengthened by their discovery and begin to venture, explore and share their discovery with girls. Our young ladies, on the flip side, have not explored or tested the waters so they are shocked and stunned by the feelings they are experiencing, these young ladies are then finding themselves overcome with the emotions involved, and the feelings involved, and thus they are more inclined to make poor decisions such as: unprotected sex, multiple partners, and becoming sexual objects. The reason why I feel I can make such a broad conclusion and choose to do so with such freedom is because this was something that I have experienced myself, with age I began to feel as if I needed a man in my life in order to feel desired, loved and appreciated. Now... I love men, as I stated in an previous post but I know for a fact that women and men struggle to gain a level of balance between our different sexes... Venus vs. Mars if you will. Speaking as a woman I know we are such powerful creatures and it's a shame that we don't embrace this power more often, that is why sexual exploration... lets just say it, masturbation, is necessary for young women the same way it is necessary for young men. I mean lets face it, we all know that young boys masturbate early now maybe that's because their sexual organs are exposed to such a degree that it becomes a toy to them (lol), a toy that is attached and has the ability to give them pleasure. For women and girls masturbation is necessary on a deeper level, it is needed in order to connect with ourselves, but more so it is necessary on the level of comfort... comfort with who we are as women, and for young women this exploration is needed so that we can understand the feelings attached with sexual arousel, and this initial exploration should be with ourselves by ourselves. I see women ranging in ages from teenagers to women in there fifties still chasing... chasing the feeling... chasing the feelings of desire... chasing the feelings of what is misconstrued as "love" and I'm sure it's because they have not explored themselves... they have not gotten comfortable with who they are as women. These women I speak of do not realize the power they contain, they actually think that this power is only attainable with a man, what they don't realize is this power is also within themselves. I know women and men are definitely the most magnificent of opposites and we do complement each other to such a degree that it can make the earth shake, and part of that power is finding our strength earlier in life. Women like myself and hopefully those who are reading this blog, will feel comfortable enough to sit down with our young women and talk openly about sex, masturbation, and how the feelings connected with sex can be explored. Girls should understand that it is not "bad" to touch themselves and release, the problem is adult women still need to feel it's okay to touch themselves and release. If adult women do not get comfortable with masturbation we will find ourselves continuously in a "chasing" state of mind, because how can we teach if we have not learned the lesson first. So ladies here's your homework: discover your bodies, touch it, love it, and embrace the energy within... then when your good and comfortable talk to your daughters about their bodies and give them the power that you just discovered. I promise if we all do this we will find more balance within our female/male relationships and our young ladies will be well equip to handle the feelings they no doubt will encounter. The best thing is... they will be stronger then we could ever imagine and thus the world will be stronger than ever imagined. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Friday, February 12, 2010

Reality Check

While getting ready for work today I had a reality check... can I love my body and appreciate it for what it is and still have the desire for my body to be better? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes! Often times we think that by loving ourselves we must be satisfied with our currently situation and that's the end of it, well I'm here to tell you that's not it.... or at least it shouldn't be. We have the blessed opportunity to improve, not because we don't love ourselves but simply because we do love ourselves. This is the most loving gesture we can give ourselves... the gift of a balanced life. To learn to appreciate who we are to such a degree that we make healthy decisions in order to make our today and hopefully our tomorrow better... now that's love! This love does not require deprivation or holding back from pleasures, it's more of a discovery process on how to enjoy life and how to live in a more healthy, non destructive way. As stated by Oprah Winfrey "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough". If I look at all the wonderful things I currently possess such as: limbs that function, organs that function, and all of my senses (sight, touch, hearing, smell, taste) this type of thinking puts things in perspective and prepares me for a life of prosperity. Even more so than that if you look at the fact that we have this wonderful life, this wonderful body which is the vessel that contains our aura... spirit... light.... in essence our body is a vehicle for who we are. If you start to look at it that way, then you will begin to appreciate yourself even more. I love my body... not only for it's current state, but for what I know it can become. My body carries one awesome spirit inside of it, so therefore it can't help but have the desire to match up. Some may call this type of speaking conceited but I call it pride! Pay attention to where you are today and simply appreciate life, but also look at how far you know you can go. If we are all just a little bit more thankful for what we have, then of course we will be blessed with more, God wants us to have more because then we will show others how wonderful life really is... how great living really is. So look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a big kiss, identify with your body and acknowledge the fact that your body is carrying an amazing spirit. Love it, adore it, and I promise not only will you start to love your body more everyday, but your body will start to love you more everyday as well! Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee

Monday, February 8, 2010

Love Letter.

Men... how I love you. I love you tall and short, thin and thick, chocolate and beige. I love men... I really do. You would think a woman, such as myself, who loves men so much would have experienced the love that you see in the movies and read in the romantic novels, but as I stated in a previous post, that would be a big fat NOPE! I love the shape of men, I love their masculinity, I love their strength, I love the way they walk the way they talk and even their shyness around women... they are so sexy! The only type of man I don't like are the men that aren't really men they pose as men, yes they are male but they aren't men... they are weak, they find it difficult to make decisions, they don't even know how to plan a date, worst yet they give real men a bad name. I love men... really I do. It is more than likely the cause of my imbalance, my deficiency when it comes to a real loving male/female relationship. Could it be that I love men so much that I want to fall "in love" with them all the time? Could it be also that my love of love has me looking at every man I'm attracted to in a way that would literally throw me off? I enjoy the thrills of love and attraction, which is of course, the physical aspects of love and that, no doubt, can toss a monkey wrench in any desire to living a balanced life. The simplicity of a kiss, for example, I love to kiss men, I love creatively kissing a man... they love when I kiss them... and I love kissing him.... ewwww weeeee lemme stop, see what I mean... balance is tough! As of now my life is about just that, balance, and I must focus on whats important and that is leading a healthy lifestyle, part of that healthy lifestyle is learning how to love men and appreciating their beauty without falling in love with the idea of being "in love". Of course right now it is difficult, I think about how I miss having a relationship and that's because of this pesky time of year... Valentines Day... ugh! I really don't know what's around the corner for me when it comes to love but I get excited when I think about it. Even though I'm not in a relationship I get excited thinking about all the beautiful men I know, how most of them are single, and I can't help but think if any of them sit and think about me because I'm always thinking about them... always. Man how I love men, I hope they know it... hmmm, I betcha now they do. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Make sense?!

Eureka I think I've got it... it's a conspiracy! Who shops the most in our society... women. Who shapes our thinking ultimately... the media and what we consistently see & hear. If our countries media continues to feed women the lies of "your only beautiful if you have this look" and "you have to be married before this age", and "you have to have this type of wedding", oh and by the way "you'll only find a man if you weigh this much" and "in order to get this weight you must buy these products so that you can loose the weight" or "you have to get on this diet so that you can loose this weight, to get that man, to have that wedding, to live in that dream house and have those kids before your this age". WHEW and all of this is fed to who... us women. No wonder we see perfectly beautiful women cutting up there bodies and faces so that they can have a smaller nose, or bigger breast or higher cheekbones. I hear it everyday with my friends, we kill ourselves to loose weight, even if we are perfectly healthy and happy we want more and more so that we can be "perfect". WTF!!! Don't get me wrong I fall victim myself and I know I can do a better job and lead a healthier lifestyle by changing my eating habits. I am aware, and with awareness comes change... always. So I'm sure one would ask why haven't you changed... I'm simply not ready yet. What I'm talking about though is the fact that we as a country... as a society... a unified people need to be particularly outraged at the fact that we are so pressured, not to love one another but to envy one another. We as women are constantly at odds with each other trying to make sure that we are better looking then the next woman, that we are finer, thinner, hair is more beautiful, clothes are prettier... so on and so on and so on. I'm tired of having my own jacked up opinions about other women... how dare I! I past judgement on others when I should be the last to do so, because of my own experiences, how I grew up and how others so quickly passed judgements on me. If we as women begin to unify instead of hating each other and stop distancing ourselves from quality relationships with one another, we could eventually change the whole world! We could potentially force society and media outlets to really take a good look at themselves and see what a horrible monster they are contributing to... in essence they are feeding a demon. How dare they make us feel as if we are all crazy, fat ass, husband seeking, money hungry, shallow, horny, dingbats... how dare they!!! We are the mothers of the world... we are the ones that make this shit tick! Our young women have to be faced with the idea that if they are not skinny, barbie pretty, idiots then they may not land a man by the time they're 28... as if something is wrong with them just the way they are. Weddings and everything that surrounds them are a multi billion dollar industry... diet products and the industry makes billions... plastic surgery is a billion dollar industry... MAKE SENSE?! Listen up ladies, love yourself, be healthy (mentally & physically), and appreciate the way you are now, instead of making all of these industries rich off of our own niavete lets love self and make ourselves authentically and truly rich... MAKE SENSE?! Love & Blessings. -Keshia

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Questions???

I often ask myself "why was I born fat?" I know your not supposed to question God, but sometimes I can't help but ask. I used to think that if I would just fix being fat then all of a sudden everything would be perfect and things would just work out perfectly (whatever that's supposed to mean). Even right now I still ask the question "why was I born fat?", but as Deepak Chopra says "you have to live in the questions, and by living in the questions you'll find the answers". When I was married it was a very confusing time I would wonder, is this it... is this really it? Not because I didn't love my ex-husband, but because I knew that it wasn't right, I knew that he wasn't my husband, the one I was supposed to marry. A friend of mine, who is also my personal trainer, once told me "Keshia your over thinking the exercise... if it don't feel right, it ain't right!" and that's exactly how it was for me while I was married. My marriage just didn't "feel" right. To my fellow blog followers I feel that I am in a position where I can comfortably confess this to you all... I have never been in love, yep, that's right, I have never been in love. I've been in lust, I have been in heavy like, and maybe even infatuation... but never in love. So that brings me back to my original question... why was I born fat? Of course being fat didn't "feel right" and so I changed it, neither did my marriage and so I changed that as well, but when will love "feel right"? I think about love and the feelings attached to love all the time, I sometimes think I want that more than, food, money or sex... I want that more than anything else in the world. I had something similar to that when I was married but it wasn't it, it was waaaaayyyy to complicated. Maybe it's me, but isn't love supposed to just flow? I mean, I know there's gonna be differences but is it really supposed to be work? Hell I don't even want my work to feel like work. Is it supposed to be hard? I know God has placed a love for me in this world, that will not be complicated. Here's the formula ...you want the best for him... he wants the best for you... add some respect, integrity, trust, humor, and joy... mix it all together and... WHAAAAMOOOOO... LOVE! Yes it's true, I am 30 something, so I'm not living in a fairy-tale I just really and truly know that that is that. When I get there it's going to simply "feel right". So why was I born fat? I still don't know but in all honesty I think I'm getting warmer... Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee