Monday, December 30, 2013

The Sweetest Surrender.

Sweet Surrender
It’s the gift of love, the truth of spirit the confidence in all there is
It is sweet surrender
It’s the light that shines without shades or blocking
The rays that sink into skin, soul, heart, and our deepest callings
It’s the way of being that when first called to earth we knew
A baby’s sweet breath the feeling of fresh spring mornings dew
I cannot describe it and to be honest I’m not quite sure what came over me
But when you allow God to speak and move into your heart your whole existence surrender happens 
much more freely
It’s the expansion of vision that’s understood to be much bigger than you and I
A whisper
A cry
A breathless sigh
It’s the sweet surrender of all our earthly heavy loads
It’s the one true test
The truest mission sent to walk through and behold
It’s grace given that we wake up and finally see
The path is not ours to create or design, no more like a co-creation
It is with him…
Yes! He's the one who leads!
It is our journey we look at today and right now
Your purpose is hand held guided mission from above 
It is sweet surrender; it is the biggest form of love
For unto us a glorious mission has been wrapped, hand crafted, blessed and totally free 
It’s the love from us to the Master
The love from the Master to me.
It's called the sweetest surrender.


Love & Blessings,

Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Thank you...

Ok, so lately I’ve been feeling a bit blue.  I've had many things recently that has been swirling around in my head and in my heart and it's caused me to feel down, upset, and very melancholy.  I haven’t had much of an urge to write or be around too many people lately besides my mom and maybe my close family.  Basically I haven't had the desire to socialize or enjoy life as a whole.  And even though I've just aced a class that kicked my butt, and will be taking the next a couple months off, one would think this would bring me to a level of calm and peace…well it hasn’t.  By no means am I saying it doesn’t feel good to just come home, relax and not do nothing. The  nothingness that we all pray for has now opened up the doorway to my disorderliness and more importantly, how I need to fix it.  Along with those thoughts of  not enought, I've also been feeling a bit crazy and stuck in a place that I don’t want to be in.  Hopefully in future blogs I will be able to share and explain in more details what created these feelings, but for right now I want to simply discuss how I’ve decided to get un-stuck.

I was sleeping in my bed and woke up to use the bathroom like we do throughout the night, and while I was half asleep half awake I found myself fussing about everything going on in my life.  All of these thoughts running around the comforts of my silent mind.  I fussed about having to pee, I fussed about not feeling so good, I fussed about the fact that I have to get up in a few hours and that I was tired, that I didn’t know what I was going to wear, what  I was going to eat, what I was going to do with my hair.  Everything caused me to bite and bitch… everything!  As I got back into the bed I noticed how cold I was and instantly how warm I became as I eased into my comfy bed with all it's blankets.  That’s when God spoke!  God simply said do you really want to be like this?  Is this really who you are?  If you can find one thing to complain about then do me a favor and find 2 other things to be thankful for inside of that complaint.  In that moment I thought well I only have 2 more hours to sleep but aren’t I blessed to have slept 5 ½ hours prior to that?  Aren’t I blessed to have a warm bed to climb into? Aren’t I blessed to have peaceful sleep free of critters and crawlies and others pushing for position in my bed?  Aren’t I blessed to have a job that enjoys having me as a part of their team, a job with great benefits that I can honestly say I'm actually good at?  So many insignificant complaints about my clothes and hair, so I thought… aren’t I blessed to have hair to comb?  This is October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month there are women out there who don’t have the luxury of combing her own hair...SHAME ON ME!

Later on that day it proved to be even more of a day to stop and end the complaints, as I found out a friend of mine suffered the most tragic loss a father could ever suffer, the loss of his only child.  Never in a million years would I have ever thought the importance of not complaining would carry and reach so deep within in myself, but it has.  So I've decided to take on this challenge and I hope you all can join me in stopping the complaints and instead start to say thanks.  The moment you feel the desire to complain, stop before you even speak it or think and in that moment think of 2 things to be thankful for amongst that complaint.   As we approach the season of thanksgiving I think we can all use a little soul searching and appreciation for what we already have.  Not the things we want or the things money can buy, but the small and sometimes forgotten things like comfort, safety, family, friends and the love we all share between each other.  Think before complaining and be thankful you have another day to say thanks.

Love & Blessings,

Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Life.


We are innately the same; we have goals that have been with us since birth, dreams and fears that've clung to us like a scent our own internal fragrance..  The difference between you and I comes down to how we go about handling those goals; the process of managing the unexpected may differ from one person to the next, but deep down in our core we all want to be loved with every fiber of ourselves, to be submerged in love is our common desire.  From the moment we wake up until the second we drift off to sleep, we all simply want to experience joy, bliss, happiness, to give love and to receive love from all angles, from every side, and through every method possible.  Most of us desire this so much that the possibility of achieving ultimate love seems impossible, unachievable, unrealistic, and therefore inconceivable.  Thus leaving us feeling like failures... empty and depressed because reaching limitless happiness and joy is such an unthinkable thing.  So what are we all so afraid of?

     I’m not looking for an answer to this question, but more so making the decision to live a life of truth fullness.  The fullness of who I am; Myskeshia a radiant, limitless light that was birthed into this world to change the dynamic of thought through my own story, to share my short comings and my ability to reach and feel another’s personal struggle, and together help them move through the door of death-living (going through the motions, a life with limited levels of joy) into a God-life (living purposeful and with boundless joy and awareness).  Today I’ve been seeking knowledge as I always do when I’m feeling a certain kind of way, and as I read the various blogs and books I couldn’t help but notice a running theme that has woven its way throughout today's words from the universe… mirror.  As  explored and meditated every message spoke towards the fact that the world, my life, and my relationships are nothing more than the reflection of me - a reflection of you.  The bottom-line is that those insecurities I feel are displayed in my professional work, my life’s purpose or God-life, and ultimately every relationship in my life…romantic and otherwise, so who wants to live an insecure fearful life? Not me. 
"Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult."
- Julia Cameron
    My fear of being great is a dishonor to God and his masterpiece creation- me.  In order to break the cycle of fear I will work on clear communication with the universe and those around me.  I will focus my energy on everything that fills me with light and spirit regardless of how busy my schedule becomes, how many events I have to decline because I know in the end this level of dedication will bring me the purest joy.  The possibility of achievement is not a possibility but is indeed a fact, proven by my soul’s declaration and solidified by my faith in all that has been displayed to me thus far. 
So my beautiful babes I ask you this; what is your commitment to self? What are you searching for, what is you’re God-life?  Are your actions clear? If not, how do you plan to change them?

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee

Monday, August 12, 2013

Mirror

I thank God for the lonely weekend with you
Your freckled face and funny lights laughter in my soul
I was so happy to have the whole entire weekend with you
You ignite my creativity and give me more reasons to shine
I live in a lifetime of moments with you sparkle fresh with now and today
It makes me swoon to rediscover your nature and to witness your inner glow pouring out from every crevice, every corner and every ounce of your flesh feels like glory inside my core.
You’re beautiful and it’s clear by every kissed touch of skin speckles a'flutter like stars. Your essence your being conjurs the word "magic" in my mind.
The inner depths of your reality become increasingly more unique deeper clear and crystal like the perfect diamond you are divine.
I can’t imagine a day unlike right now, can’t imagine living without you here
Present
Perfect.
In love internal eternal ethereal simple pure and true.
You.
Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee

Thursday, August 8, 2013

In His Bed

In his bed
I feel safe and sound
In his bed I feel comforted
Loved
Cared for
Adored
Covered from any harm
In his bed
I'm protected
And yet allowed to open up
In his bed
I want to stay...
Longing for the day to crawl back
In his bed
The softness surrounds like a cloud
The ultimate feeling of comfort wraps me
Never leaves me
I guess that's why heart leads me
Back to his bed
He gives me his all
No need to touch
No need to seduce
My throne I will stay
As I lay
In his bed
I dream about resting in his while I'm in mine
Knowing the time will be there soon
for us to laugh and joke take shots and howl at the moon
In his bed I absorb and restore my energy
Thankful for this good man
Forever my friend
Knowing no matter what I can always come back to a sound sleep his breathing the beat and rhythm to my dreams.
My drifting settles peacefully as I melt into... his bed.

Love & Blessings
Buttaflibabee


Monday, June 24, 2013

Mornings


Mornings
I love mornings… the light the shining eyes of God peeking
Watching
Saying hello
I love the breath of fresh air in the morning
The heavens and angels linger in the air 
In the morning
Awaiting me to breathe it all in
Anticipating
Inhalations of love
I arose since birth early to meet with the creator
Last night thoughts fluttered in my mind of things much
Greater than right now…
Even though the right now is beautiful
Especially in the morning.
The sun donning its crown as it rises
Wanting the human lives to recognize
The power, not the power within itself but rather
The magnificent power of a force much bigger than it
We can feel it
We breathe it
We move in it and through it
We are it
In the morning my body is alert with superior understanding
My mind is open and thirsty like a dry sponge
Ready to drink the weightless divine nature of the day
Quenching the thirst from dreams light years away
Fingertips wet with dew
God’s parental kisses on the earth
Heavens way of embracing us all
A snuggle of love as light breaks the dark
Feeling our own greatness as we embark glory and praise
To the one
Morning is when presence is most known
Peeking eyes to see who wants to speak to it the most
It will always be me
I will always be
There to greet 
God 
… first thing
In the morning.
I can see… most of all I can feel
The early daylights blessings…
that whispered “wake up” in my sleep.

Love & Blessings
Buttaflibabee


Friday, April 5, 2013

Equilibrium

the push and pull the high the low
the way things go... when you know and understand
what's going
on
I feel it inside and I know how my highs will fall
I know this all because I know
me and I understand
what's going
on
I sometimes wish I could stop the train from moving
wish I had some conductors instructions
wish God told me how to drive
not just ride
how to maneuver through this thing
this life... so I understand everything
that's going
on
I feel the equilibrium in my body mildly go awry
I've learned somethings require more of me
somethings require the ignoring of me
somethings need my comfort
somethings i need to dump quick
but it's all about balance
it's all within the hydraulics
of life...
do I pump myself up... or do I lower myself under the radar
right now I'm not quite sure
but then again.... I don't have to be
don't have to guess
I trust my destiny
I live stress less
my world is now turned over to the one that mapped out my route
the one that trained me on that fast moving train
before i came... before I made it here
thats how i know i'll be fine... because deep down inside I know
what's going
on
the one that makes me feel no doubt
even though nervousness sets in
I know I'm ready to be at the helm
I was whispered that in my dreams that are sent from heaven
it's been that way since I've been
here.
my training
my life
the push and pull of things
the up and down of things
the fast and slow of most
life as it is
the equilibrium inside my soul...

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee



Sunday, March 17, 2013

Love really...


Love really isn’t hard or complicated, it’s the naked truth, the realness, the honesty of everything thats difficult to face.  Love is that vision that is at times difficult to look at squarely in the mirror, the honesty that's straight, clear, and truthful.  When you think about it love is about trust…trusting God, trusting yourself, and then…trusting the other person.  Love doesn't yield itself to your whim love is bold and direct and there’s no gray area…it’s just love.  Many times our ego wants to make love into what it clearly is not.  At times we want to make it painful or say it hurts when deep down where God resides - our souls tell us “how absurd”.  We want to maintain a good face and pretend we see love where we don’t and then the truth happens as it always does, at that point we find ourselves upset with love when love never put us there in the first place.  We know our mind the one responsible was our ego, the evil and self-doubt inside put us in jeopardy.  I say this all in an attempt to place a twinkle of thought in your mind. I wake up today with this lovely message in my heart- for we are not to try and contort love because love is the purest, simplest, sweetest gifts on earth.  A gift we were all given at birth and if cherished, a gift that will linger forever in our souls.

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Sugar Crush.


     Appreciating what you have is quite a task but even more so learning to appreciate the best even if you haven't discovered it yet requires a whole other level of discipline.  I was on my way home from work a few days ago really craving, I mean full on itching for some chocolate, the feeling was so intense that when I went to Walgreen's I found a bag of sugarfree chocolate peanuts.  I was instantly taken back to childhood.  If anyone has known me long enough they’ve heard the infamous story my mother likes to tell of how I became an official chocoholic.  I was 2 years old and my grandmotherand mother were shopping in Sears, now back then Sears had a concession stand that sold chocolates, popcorn and other little snack items that you could purchase as you would do you’re shopping.  My mom bought 2 pounds of chocolate covered peanuts for the 3 of us and left the bag with my grandmother and me as she went shopping elsewhere to find whatever it was that she needed;upon her return she found almost the entire 2lb bag of chocolate covered peanuts gone!  My mother was shocked, astonished and to be honest a tad bit upset with my grandmother, she couldn’t believe that my grandmother had just let me eat 2lbs of chocolate  When she was asked my grandmother why she would let a 2 year old eat a 2lb bag of chocolate the only thing my grandmother could say is "well she wanted it...”  My mother will always say once finishing that story; “Keshia, I knew right then and there you were a certified chocoholic”.

     So anyway back to the story at hand, I’m in Walgreen's and I see this bag of sugar-free chocolate covered peanuts, and I'm thinking "well they’re sugar free, hmmm I won't be breaking the rules of no sugar right...heck they can't be that bad???” So of course I buy them, I don’t even wait to get home before I bust open those bad boys right in the car and begin eating them. I get the first few nuggets of pseudo chocolaty-ness down and then all of a sudden I stop and realized...yea ummm they're not the real thing.  It dawned on me while I continued to eat the "not so hot" chocolate covered peanuts that I didn’t want the substitute of the chocolate covered peanuts I wanted the real thing.  My taste-buds distinctively wanted was the creamy chocolate and yummy authentic taste of real sugar not this half-ass substitute.  Needless to say an epiphany was on the horizon, making its way to the forefront of my thoughts in the most pure and innocent way.  What was unveiling itself before my eyes was this; I didn’t want the substitute for anything, the way I look at it is I should want the real thing - ALWAYS.  I am learning to preserve myself for the real things in life, which is saving my heart from being involved in a lot of harmful substituting typa shit.  For example, for a little over a month I've decided to refrain from having sex, not because I'm a holier than thou or that I have some feelings that the only way I will have true love is by doing dramatic act of solidarity, it's more of a matter of this... if I'm kinda sorta interested in someone and upon further discovery realize this dude is not potentially a life partner why would I bother giving him what is sacred and divine to me?  Just like those sugar free chocolate covered peanuts why would I waste my time eating them when it’s not the real thing, and not really what I want?  Of course this logic is not just applicable to sex and sweets, it can be applied to all facets of life. I am working on a few major dynamics in my life right now that are rooted deep in the recesses of my childhood.  Unlike other times this time I'm not placing blame on anyone but more or less assuring that those challenges that pop up from my past are identified, taken for what they are worth so that they may work for me today.  To sum it up very simply I’m finally seeing myself as the whole complete and God-like woman I’ve been placed on this earth to be… my purpose is clear, and therefore times of clutter are a thing of the past.

     At this time in my life I am blessed to not only hear but feel the antagonistic me(or should I say the shell of my former existence) and yes she was and still is very shallow, immature and filled with a lack of self-worth... thereby gravitating to a mediocre lifestyle because hell... that’s what she's always felt she deserved.  See that part of me is still here, telling me to go ahead and get that sugar free candy because it’ll help hold me over and settle the urge for sweets.  She continues to doubt my God-like womanhood by telling me to go out on that date, heck don't you want to get married again, who cares if you don't have a connection with that guy, who cares if he doesn't have any depth or wanting a real relationship? All the during this mental tug of war I know my time can be filled with more soul satisfying things like writing to you in this blog, crafting my book, working with my babes through their own struggles helping them find their own light.  The shell of myself is the one with a vision that will only get me to the end of the corner the true me has a vision thats sets me traveling across the world.  We all have this small time chatterbox shell of self who doubts the real us- the us that is the center of who we are or who we’ve always wanted to be.  The shell of self is that someone whispers to us "the end is near" and "the best days have already past you by" it's that crazy voice creeping into our psyche telling us not bother losing weight that sneaky sneak that airs their opinion into our mind and tells us to give up that business idea because it would never work.  See settling doesn't feel good it's not how we've been programed yet because we want to just satisfy that hunger quick we make decisions quick.  So from now on think about the choices you make and ask yourself is this just wetting my palette for right now or am I seeking a long lasting forever quench to my thirst? I'm sure every time you ask yourself that question it will always be the same...longlasting always beats a quick fix.

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee



Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Marathon Life

Miss “two-snaps” is finally writing once again! It’s been awhile since I’ve written something since poetry has just been my creative outlet of choice, for whatever reason writing wasn't happening for me… but I digress. That was until a “Confessions ORFG” faithful reader told me about his blog, I love it when my readers reach out to me for advice about their own blogs, or their lives, relationship and/or personal issues. I guess the reason why I haven’t been blogging in the literary form is because I really didn’t have anything to say. I was somewhat going through the motions of life just trying to it get together thinking I had it together when in all honesty I didn’t. I won’t make this a “beat up on myself” session; in fact this will be a more of a “give you a hand clap of praise” session! I was recently telling a friend how we are all effed up, each and every one of us have issues and effed-upness, the true blessing in saying all of that is this; if you can say your f*cked up you have just saved yourself… true story. I’m not saying to go around and tell everyone about your flaws because that does nothing but shine a light on it, making it bigger and in center stage. What I’m alluding to is to identify; tell yourself your issue, write out what you want to change and then make an active effort in changing it.

A month or so ago I down loaded an app to my iPhone and iPad called “Unstuck”; the app is meant to help people break free from issues that they’re dealing with, in a structured organized way (something that just so happens to be a part of my stuckness). When I used the app I was able to clearly understand why I was feeling stuck in my writing and why I was not moving anywhere with weight-loss even though I was running 5k’s (doesn’t help if you’re eating whatever you want afterwards), and why I just felt plain ole effed up! This morning I was talking to the friend/reader who has a new blog and wanted me to read his first entry, as I was chatting I mentioned something pretty substantial, I told him I realized that life is a run - a consistent continuous run.  It dawned on me at that point there is no stopping, it’s a marathon without a finish line in site or at least there shouldn’t be. Life is something that will have you feeling like starting and stopping, often times we get to a level of success (and this is my classic eff up) and then think “Ok I’m done… I did a great job, I can chill now!” when in actuality that’s the opposite of what we should be doing. The level of success achieved is just that, a level of success. The climb and celebration should only be a display of how good you are and that you can in fact do anything you want to.

This is the main reason why so many people lose weight and then gain it all over again, the run is far from over, in fact the marathon has just begun. Using this analogy I find myself thinking about it like this...once you start running you begin to get into what they call a “runners stride” that stride is something that is quite miraculous. While you’re in that stride you forget (kinda) that you’re running all together, you begin to daydream about other things, you’re listening to your music and you begin taking in this rhythm that is suprisingly beautiful. The stride is where we sometimes stop, instead of embracing that rhythm we get to greatness (the stride) and begin thinking that enough…it’s over.  Well I’m here to witness to you it is far from over, life is our own personal a long distance journey- a marathon life. With every level of success there’s a newer, higher, better, more euphoric level, and when that level is met there’s another right behind that one!  Yesterday a friend on Facebook asked me jokingly when I was talking about how well I was doing in my MBA program… “Well Keshia what’s next?” I sarcastically said, “Well maybe I’ll climb a mountain”, even though I was joking don’t be surprised if you see me on top of Mount Kilimanjaro.

Love & Blessings,

Buttaflibabee

Friday, January 18, 2013

A You on You

Stuff gets really real
when I pull a you on you
feels kinda funky to feel
how that shit feels
Right
Kinda wishin you hadn't shown me
how to act like a damn fool
Right
I guess what I'm sayin is
Being like you ain't really hard to do
It's really quite easy
Kinda quick
Maybe a little bit low key sleezy
See being like you is so simple
but then again quite different
than what I'm used to
Not really how I'm used to
treating people
See pullin a you on you goes like this...
First I start with flirting
See if emotions between the two of us still exist
Maybe whisper a few words of lovin
Then once that gets good
Once your on board
once your in the mood
Then I would STOP!
No more calls... nope, I'd
STOP
No more sweet thoughts... nope... just
STOP
I would simply
watch
watch your stuck ass kinda wander
wander around that intersection of confused & ignored
Red light or Green light
See thats the key, hell you don't even know anymore
see the initial interest was just an illusion
Green light go... sure but not for affection
Green means go
but only for desertion
Green light means go
but now for lost feelings of uncertainty
Turning the other way quick sir
cuz rejection is better than regret
Better turn the other way right now
and go back to thyself
No mixed signals to run you off the road
Go means go in YO house
filled with the "me" kinda love
Ya see when I get wrapped up in emotions
I gotta SPEAK i gotta TYPE i gotta WRITE this shit out!
To help release the stuffed up perplexities in my mind
The mixed up dumbshit
The absurdity of even trusting your black behind
Unblock my thoughts so I can move on
No time for yo red lights
No time for yo green lights
No time for getting even
No time to settle a score
I simply let the universe handle that
Fact of the matter is
I'm just not that fuckin impressed with you anymore
I'm bout to pull a me on me
see how that shit feels
Shower myself with love, complements
a sense of ultimate security... the feeling thats 100% real
Say sweet things to myself every morning and before I lay my head down at night
See pulling a me on me is pretty friggin awesome
that shits like JJ
haha.. ya know... that shits like DY-NO-MITE
It's a pity though when you think about it
the lack self-esteem that must resides in your heart
that thing that allows you to opening up emotions in a beautiful girl
then to have the audacity to tear her apart
and leave her standing there
Just standing with no direction
Our bodies grow stronger
once the pain is gone,
and we've gotten rid of the intitial infection
Of what we thought was love
you never shake that feeling of being lost
once you've found our way back home
Vowing to never compromise yourself again
Vowing to never get burned
may the next girl, and oh yea they'll be a next
be held just a little bit tighter
a little bit closer
may she never get lost by your mix signals
may your ways mature
your actions become clear
may your sense of direction get into fuckin focus.

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Just a Thought...

"Sometimes living your purpose is simply FIRSTdoing the things that you thought you could never do. It may not be traveling across the globe yet, or skydiving. Living your purpose right now may simply be reciting your poetry on a stage infront of 50 people, or actually believing what your mothers told you all these years... that your beautiful, that being tall is a blessing, that your amazingly smart you just don't know it yet. Living your purpose is a day by day self discovery process, a unveiling of what God knew you already were, a butterfly emerging slowly... very slowly from it's cocoon."

-Buttaflibabee