Monday, January 31, 2011

Change

So today I've been having a hard time writing, even though deep down in my spirit I've wanted to say something so desperately I simply couldn't get the words out... until now.  The feeling of being stuck has been a running theme in my life, so I decided to talk it out with a friend and what he told me was: "change is good but only if the change your changing to isn't bad" I pondered on what he said agreed.  Yes, to a degree change is good if that change your moving towards is working in your best interest, but the same time I asked myself, what about those times you make r
a really poor decisions and that decision sends you into a period of growth?  Now of course this change can't be "bad"... can it?  I have experienced plenty of change more recently in my life, changes at my job, changes in location, changes in friends, and changes in security, now is all of this change good?  That's hard to say simply stated; only time will tell, and only time will reveal.  One thing I know is true is the fact that I have learned how to make more solid decisions in relationships and matters of the heart, this includes all types of relationships and their quality.  I have learned how to cherish those that are really positive and I have learned to walk away from those that bring nothing but destruction.  Not until recently have I been able to grasp the anger & understand how to really be angry... now that's change!  I now give my self permission to be pissed & plain bitchy and I don't feel bad about it.  Out of this pain & anger comes a rebirth of my spirit, out of the hurt comes newness to my soul.  All of this from change.  Now I'm moving forward with my goals... some of them professional, and some of them personal but moving forward without fear. I have no way of knowing if my next move is going to be my chosen destiny or if it will be my next failure, but I do know this whatever move is made will be a good decision, and whether it's a "good" move or a "bad" move it's all good because it will all form the best of who I am.  All the this life is mold you to be the best and that is as plan and as simple as it gets.  Yea change is good... it is what life and living is all about.

Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Monday, January 10, 2011

Inherent Royalty

Wow it's been awhile since I've connected with my readers just simply due a normal busy life.  Today is a different day and for me that's an awesome thing to say.  I was thinking about my parents and in thinking about them I thought about how special I am.  Sometimes we think our parents are villains straight evil, I'm here to admit to those thoughts and also apologize to God & my parents for feeling that way.  I really believe God knew what he was doing when he placed me in the care of those two.  See my parents love each other, in fact they love each other the way you should love a partner, they understood the growth potential each other had.  My mom has always been an intelligent woman, strong and very driven in her goals, my dad has always wanted the best out of life and equally thought he was the best and thus he always felt he deserved the best in a woman... hence their connection.  I've been thinking about my life as it stands and of course I think about being 34 and single... again.  Within this thought process I often times think about my life, in it's present form, can be a little disheartening (depressing some may say) and only because I know I have so much to offer a partner but in recent weeks or maybe even days I've come to understand the reasoning behind my prolonged single status.  The work that I must do in my life is not quite there yet, now I know like I know like I know that I have growth to experience, a huge tremendous amount of growth to experience.  In this realization I have looked myself in the mirror recently and was able to see the greatness that my mom saw in herself, the greatness my dad saw in himself, and ultimately the greatness they saw in each other.  Again I look in the mirror and I realize just how much they love me.  See my parents have always felt they were great and thus I was born from greatness, they had no doubt in there my mind that I too was powerful and full of potential.  I remember feeling this pressure as I was growing up and this "pressure" was really simply my parents expectations of greatness... I was the one who labeled it "pressure".  You see I didn't understand the confidence they had in me and for a long time I thought this level of confidence was conceit or ridiculous bragging, I felt as though they were so self indulgent when really all it was for them was a feeling of inherent pride.  See I am a Leon which stands lion... king of the jungle, now my dad exudes that, he feels as though my brother and I should inherit the earth, he's always felt what God ultimately feels for all of us.  My father feels as though I was born into a Camelot of sorts... royalty!  My father feels as though my brother is a prince and I am a princess, not until recently did I see my inherent royalty status... not until recently was I ready to wear my crown.  I've got my crown and I'm getting ready to put it on... do you have yours? Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee