Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Drowning in Beautiful.

Today I'm featuring a poem written by my friend Duane Holmes.  I love the way this poem moves & flows.  Just listen to the way Duane speaks about love, the way we open ourselves up to the possiblility of it all... how exciting! Thank you Duane for your lovely piece I know my readers will enjoy!

Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Your mind is floating; walking down a deserted beach with nothing under you but your thoughts, hand in hand, pianos sprinkle lightly in your mind, images of smiles and bitten lips and furrowed brows and squeezes, jumping and playing, self-consciousness nowhere to be found. You trust and know, know that the person you are with is what you need, not just for this day, but for many days to come, the beating in your heart gets a little deeper. Rhythm deepening, let yourself go, your gonna be fine, arms wide open, eyes glistening, fingers stretching to finally feel. Damn

Poem written by: Duane Holmes

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


He's taught me I am love
He's shown me I deserve love
He provided a reason to be more
What he doesn't know is I am thankful for
... his sacrifice
He gave me a mirror
He told me it's okay...
Oh how beautiful you are
He listened as I cried
He honored my decision...
to leave
He gave me all he had
and in the end he allowed me...
to walk away
The struggle was there
The feelings were raw
Sometimes its still
To think, when it came down to it
He loved me
... and now even though forever was not meant to be
his love has provided me
a better understanding of
what was taught
what was shown
what was provided
and what he doesn't know
is that I will forever
be thankful.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Full Circle

Today I come to my readers with a new story... the story that begins & ends with me.  When I started this blog I had the intention of being that voice for the voiceless, to talk about the things that are uncomfortable and maybe even shameful.  I would be the friend that would speak up and tell my story so that every other fatgirl would feel safe in their feelings. The title "Confessions of a Reformed Fatgirl" may sound nice and poetic but the fact is I am still yet reformed and still very "fat" at times. You see my mind has finally caught up with the initial 100lb weight-loss but if you didn't know me from back in the day you would still think I have a long way to go, not to say I haven't done a great job but it is true.  I realize today the journey must pick up once again,  reforming ones self is a continuous process but for me the weightloss portion of this journey begins the second leg it's race today.  When I first began my weight-loss journey it was simply to look "normal", shop in normal stores, and to not look soooooo friggin big. The basic goal was to not stand out.  I've recently been reflecting on the first time I was on this weight loss journey and the first time around I wanted to finally be noticed, but also strangely enough invisible.  On one hand I so desperately wanted to be desired by men, I wanted to get married but then on the other hand my mentality was stuck in it's old ways so I also felt the urge to shrink & hide.  This time around I choose to lose weight, not for a feeling of normality but for the exact opposite, this time I seek the feeling of excellence! This time I want to stand out... be heard... make a difference! This time is one of those full circle moments Oprah always talks about, because this time I've gone from wanting to shrink & hide to wanting all eyes on me.  This time my journey will be blessed because I have finally recognized I am better that normal I am extraordinary and will do extraordinary things to help others in their own personal journey. This time instead of wanting to fit in I want to stand out and stand up so that others can see me, know you can go through and experience successes, failures and struggles but still understand God has even more for you to give and more for you to live! So cheers to this full circle moment and cheers to my new adventure that  I am so honored to be sharing with all of you! Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee