Friday, October 22, 2010

Tha Truth.

This poem is not as angry as it may appear... it was written due to frustration with a few.  I actually believe it was written out of frustration with myself. I believe in the law of attraction, which means I finally had to admit that maybe I'm not clear enough in my actions as intended. So this is just to make things PERFECTLY CLEAR! Enjoy- Buttaflibabee

Maaaaannn love your lady homie!
...or leave your lady homie. 
Don't know if you love her homie?
Everybody got options homie.
...so why you here talkin to me  
Confused.
If you loved her...
you wouldnt worry about me.
where I am
where I'm going
what my life is like
I'd rather u not worry about me.
Cuz your confused...
 and im not
because to love me require your all.
and I'm not sure if your good enough 4 me.
At least from here it's hard to see.
Ok ok sooo maybe thats harsh
but...
If I loved you, what then homie?
If I loved you
Who's to say you would love me back? 
... or could love me? 
Cuz for all I know
Your perpetually confused ass
doesn't even know what love is?
doesn't even know...
the drug it is.
Addicted.
To what you "think" is "love"
So I ask:
Do you even know how to love yourself?
Do you even know how to be yourself?
Do you even know...
self?
If I was to love you where would that leave me?
just as confused
& under loved
& Under appreciated
& Under celebrated
 & Under deep!
so stay put
 Mr. Dazed & Confused
who wants that?
So love your lady
Women love it when you do
We believe it when it's real
We despise when it's just "somethin to do"
We would rather be "alone" then with you
Cuz...
right now
I'm fully loved...
by me.
Thats what's real.
Thats what counts.
& thats what I have.
Spectacular!!!


- Love & Blessings
Buttaflibabee

Monday, October 18, 2010

Sometimes...

Ok so sometimes this shit is hard... 
tricky... 
and really sometimes this shit is just no fun 
I don't want to grow sometimes...
I don't want to be alone sometimes...
I don't want to go to the gym sometimes... 
and hell to be honest... sometimes I just want 
sex
pleasure
wine... cocktails... dancing and craziness 
I sometimes I want to take up the company of unsavory men
and sometimes I want to make bad decisions 
... that may or may not end in trouble.  
That's only sometimes... and sometimes is only sometimes.... 
I pray sometimes that I stop feeling this way.  
Sometimes I pray that God protects me from myself.  
Sometimes I simply need to sit my ass down... cuz this feeling only comes around... sometimes.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Work in Progress...

Today I walked into work with a different feeling about life, I sometimes feel this way, and when I do I know that I'm in my zone or element (whichever you want to call it) within my own existence. The world seems different... I'm different... and my outlook on life is different.  Today I had a co-worker ask me as I walked into work "why are you so happy?" and honestly I didn't have a proper explanation because I couldn't figure it out myself. So I responded with a shrug and I general explanation. I told him yesterday I realized I need God not in the religious way that most people think, but I needed God and the connection with something greater than myself. In this epiphany I realized not only did I need God but I also needed church, I needed that connection with people... people that genuinely are interested in me being happy with no agenda no hidden intentions... just regular people that love to see me happy.  See I go to a fabulous church, and my pastor is not your ordinary pastor, sure yes he's a christian and speaks from the bible (no doubt) but the way he connects with his congregation is special... unique.  My pastor is a gifted man because he can make the bible and it's teachings simple and applicable in our 2010 world.  He spoke Sunday about how we needed start going all the way with God... not half way... not partial... not meet me in between, but all the way! This message resonated with me because it's been my whole life where "just good enough" has been ok with me and that's not the way to success nor the way to my best. It became apparent that I don't go all the way with anything... I didn't go all the way with losing weight (close but not all the way), I didn't go all the way with my career goals, I'm not even going all the way with my blog (cuz I know I can reach and should reach more people).  In his sermon I acknowledged my short comings... but I refuse to beat myself up about things, see I believe in being kind to my spirit and nice to my soul.  Even though I don't go all the way the strides that I am making are phenomenal and would likely lead me to going all the way more and more everyday.  See that's the whole point of this thing, seeing your life as "work in progress" and understand that going all the way isn't a destination it's a process.  My process can improve but right now I am on the right track... and heck aren't I blessed to see the improvement thats been made and to acknowledge that improvement still needs to be made???  Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Inspiration to Heaven

Today I was inspired... inspired to keep inspiring.  Today I think about how twisted things can be, but just as you think it can't get anymore twistier it unwinds itself and releases. I really feel that release today.. the release to live the way that God and the universe has designed me to live. I live to inspire, and those that I inspire inspire me to continue the cypher.  The inspiration is to live in beauty... beauty lies in being a whole woman... which is absolutely lovely when it happens.  When you are complete with the knowledge that you are all  encompassing beauty, elegance, power and strength your life turns on and is remarkable from that point on. Now trust me I am in no way saying that I have all the answers but I do know I live in complete wholeness and  I love this journey. I revel in the awareness that the everyday brings me.  With your new found awareness I know there is a thing called heaven and it is in the everyday, it is with every step and it is with every post that my life continues to renew, refresh and grow... through inspiration... from inspiration. Healthy and strong existences is what I pray that all of my readers can achieve, I wish they can reach their own level of heaven for it is a place, but it can not be seen or found by anyone but you. Sooooo friends... trust in your soul, give yourself the inspiration grow in happiness, love, peace... and yes, heaven... you can get there... I know it! Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee