Saturday, September 25, 2010

Crystal ball: Not Required!

To be perfectly honest I didn't know how to start this post exactly, so I said... ohhhhh what the hell... so here it is! Today was a huge day for me... HUGE (in my Donald Trump voice)! Let me explain.  I have many different "things" that I'm working through as many of my readers already know, but today, unlike any other day I knew how to handle the truth.  To handle the truth, not just to see the it and ya know kinda sorta pay attention, still do my own thing with my own agenda in mind. This time I saw the truth... I digested it... I took it for what it was worth... and embraced it.  I know I've written a whole post on embracing life, but not until you've embraced the truth will you discover and flow of life with ease.  Today I embraced the truth with honest intention and heart felt concern, thats when I could feel my life moving towards it's destiny.  Today and most of yesterday I was in a place where my body knew what the deal was and it was working hard to get my brain on board. For once my body knew what was up and my brain surprisingly listened.  So now today all is awesome because I have finally put all trust in my body... the residence of my soul. Even though it took... hmmm maybe a week for the truth to come out, what I found most shocking was the fact that my body knew the truth all along.  You see I was struggling with this... this... this thing, I couldn't put my finger on it, the discomfort was real and I knew there was something that I needed to be aware of... something that just wasn't where it needed to be.  As I waited I stood still... I got comfortable with me and stood back and thats when the truth began to reveal itself (I hope this is making sense to someone out there).  Now the truth that was revealed hurt like hell it made me cry all night, but in the end the sun came out and love was all that mattered. What do you call that?  Grace.  What I am most amazed at was my ability to listen... feel... and hear what I knew all along.  I've come a long way and am proud of this accomplishment. Call me psychic if you want... mystical some may say, but I simply feel that I am smiled on by God.  You see there's no crystal ball required in life because the truth is always ready to be seen... take a look at it, it's crystal clear!  Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


**Inhale... exhale** Deep cleansing breaths is what I tell myself... I am opening up myself to the possibility of greatness, inside & out.  This level of acceptance can be particularly difficult for me due to old habits, past disappointments, and dashed expectations. So now I am practicing how to breath in and breath out with my own existence.... that little thing called life.  What I mean by breathing in and out with my own existence is learning how to love me, the WHOLE me. Let's face it I'm the first to admit I can be chatty, I mean I can talk... but for those who really know me I can also be extremely secluded and withdrawn depending on where my focus is at that time.  This is the rise and fall of my personality.... the Keshia-ism that I've learned how to love, not be ashamed of and embrace.  Yesterday I was thinking about how I was feeling about a current situation that I'm dealing with,  I kept telling myself that I wanted to walk gingerly around this particular situation... that I didn't want to "ruin" anything by being too overwhelming, truth is that I don't ruin anything. In that moment it finally dawned on me this situation, and every situation for that matter- is destined to be. So instead of over thinking it and possibly stifling my own personality I decided it was time for me to do the exact opposite... it was time for me to be that chatty self... to be that big personality because thats who I am... thats the love that I share with the world.  The possibility of were I am right now is exciting and fun... fun because I can look straight ahead and know that I am proud of my whole existence.  When you know that you are limitless then the possibilities of your life begins.  Today I don't blame myself for past failures, in fact I blame no one because it just is.  Life is the inhale and exhale of it all... a growth process a learning experience that is beautiful and purposeful as long as you open up to the possibility of everything. Damn thats awesome! Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Friday, September 10, 2010

You Look Marvelous!

Last week I was working out at the gym and I heard a story that made me weep... really... I was crying on the elliptical machine... seriously.  The story was about this woman who was minding her own business, picking up a coffee from Starbucks and another woman walked up to her and threw acid in her face, burning her entire face except for her eyes... she was wearing sunglasses.  I thought about the beauty that we all possess and how quickly it can be taken away in a heartbeat, beauty on the outside is fleeting but beauty on the inside is everlasting.  Today I want to talk to all my lovely women... and some men about taking pride in both, the inside AND outside beauty.  I know I talk a lot about inner beauty but today I want to talk about appearance... trust me you'll get it! It's a two way street this beauty thing, I strongly feel that both need to be appreciated loved and honored.  We only get one face... one body... and one existence in our physical body... so treat it as such! I sometime sit and wonder why I see beautiful women (and men) treat their appearance as if it doesn't matter... well let me tell you... it does!  Your face and body is the first thing you wake up to every morning, so treat it as such... marvelous... gorgeous because it is. Your body is the vehicle for your soul, when you wake up in the morning don't just throw something on... cherish the time you get to spend with yourself and take the time to pick our clothing... cherish the time that you bath your body... love the time you pamper your skin... God gave you the vehicle for you to show off so do so!  I strongly believe that you place yourself in a position of honor and royalty when you take the time to look, smell, and feel good. As women we need not think "well I'm just a mom" or "I'm just going to the store", or "who cares, hell I hate dressing up". Well let me tell you for a long time I felt the same way, I didn't dress nice... I wouldn't care about my hair, hard to believe but at one time I didn't even like shopping for clothes but all that changed when I began to care about my appearance. I felt pride when I dressed nice... enjoyed looking good and that's how we all should feel.  When I began to care about my appearance I began to cherish what was on the inside... for me, I needed to see the outter beauty before I could recognize the inner... but for you, it maybe the reverse.  Remember your face and body are the vehicles for your soul... so if we were talking about a car... lets say a high end automobile wouldn't you take it weekly to get detailed? Wouldn't you take those extra steps to make it look good and smell good? Funny when you do all that it always seems to ride better... right?  Same is true with your body, style, & appearance... go to get your nails manicured, get your eyebrows waxed, treat yourself to that lil support garment that will give you that lil sumthin sumthin under those new clothes.  When you look good you really do feel good, you'll find yourself walking taller, feeling better about the inside because you know the outside... Looks soooo marvelous! Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Monday, September 6, 2010

Love not War...

I feel like sometimes my body is @ war with my mind... let me explain.  I've been told that when your body is elevating itself to a higher level, or moving in to peace... grace... awareness... whatever you want to call it. Your body must first break away from your ego... soooo, okay with that being said I sometimes feel like my body is at war with my mind!  I sit right now on the verge of total excellence and peace, but I still desire the old ways of doing things.  From time to time I even find myself, or my mind, attempting to convince my body to do what it knows it shouldn't... silly I know.  Everyday is becoming more and more phenominal, but I admit I am struggling to do something new... different... and from the soul which I find both exciting, scary and stimulating.  I am standing still and allowing the fog to settle because I refuse make any fast moves even though my mind is begging me to... your mind (ego) is never patient, it's always wanting you to move quickly strictly for it's shallow agenda.  My body holds me and expresses the exact opposite of what my mind tells me... my body is saying stay firm... stand still... and wait... everything will be revealed... REALLY?  I guess so... hear goes!!! Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee

Sunday, September 5, 2010

You Sneaky lil Devil...

At times I've been stubborn, at times I've been mean, at times I've been bossy, and at times I've been simply a bitch.  I say this to explain that I've said and done things that I regret and I usually apologize for it later (or at least I apologize in my head).  The reason for me explaining this side of me is to help explain when you (me) are detoxing... or removing an illness or addiction you lash out, generally to the ones you love the most and your past actions become an embarrassment to your newly discovered soul.  Today I'm reflecting on my biggest addiction/illness... it was a hidden addiction, this illness was disguised as a food addiction...  the illness manifested through depression.... both food and depression were the effect but jealousy was the cause.  Jealousy. I wasn't ever expecting the illness of jealousy to be my true demon, hell it's sneaky ass would dress up as everything else... yeah a real devil!  Jealousy used to thrive in my body (and still does occasionally)... it would warm me on the inside and leak out of my pores... or at least that's how it felt.  As a teenager I was extremely jealous of my big brother, for good reason,  he was the "good child" so of course I was jealous of the attention that he received.  Instead of attracting attention through good grades or being obedient, like my brother, I would seek attention by poor performance in school, acting out, and not doing what I was told.  This sneaky devil jealousy followed me throughout my life and it never apologized for it's earth shattering affect, not until last week... seriously... last week.  Last week I got the courage to call jealousy out on the carpet, I was know longer embarrassed to admit I was jealous.  At this point I'm ok with whatever people think of me because now I know me better than ever before... so hell yea... I can admit... I was a jealous bitch!  Know longer am I afraid to call it what it is, my entire life was structured... built... flourished... and eventually crumbled due to jealousy, the big bad secret is knowlonger a secret & has no place to hide.  I still feel jealous from time to time but when those feelings come over me... when I feel my face warm, my arms tingle, my heart race... I know it's jealousy and I am equip with the awareness to allow it to pass... don't fight with it just allow that feeling to pass.  Jealousy will consume you if you allow it... it will mask & hide under a veil of "love" when all it really is... is hate.  Jealousy is something that we all feel, but when you admit to yourself that it holds a place occasionally in your life then it will never consume you. The potential love you have to give... you will give it freely and without agenda or selfish intentions.  So love even if it doesn't involve you... love especially if it excludes you... because eventually love will kick jealousy's crazy ass!  Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Beautiful Forest...

I was sitting today having lunch with one of my good girlfriends, we always have lunch on Sunday's after church it gives us a time to have simple "girl talk". This time we talked about  our lives as single women, during our conversations we get a chance to talk about what we really want to accomplish during this lifetime, we talk about  how everyday gets us just that much closer... whether it be in a spiritual way or physically... we feel movement.  Today we discussed how we've been feeling lately... feeling like we can "do it", you see both of us have dreams that we want to pursue... goals that we know we can attain, but for whatever reason we hold ourselves back.  As we ate our fabulous italian dinner, we started talking about how we both have had these ideas of how we want our lives to look like, and how we often underestimate the power of what we possess and that's the power of limitless possibilities.  Sometimes it's sad to think that we live in reality yet we watch "reality" T.V.... guess what... it's not.  When my friend and I thought about our culture it dawned on us how ridiculous we've been... to think? Ya know back in the day... in the era where movies were new and people went to the movies... it was entertainment... imagine that?!  Movies and television would provide families and ordinary people the opportunity to escape... get away and take a mental vacation... it allowed us the ability to live in fantasy for how ever long that movie or program was on.  Simple fact is back then it was acting... make believe... fake.  Today we still watch T.V. and movies but instead of us realizing that it is all fantasy... we believe it's real... we want the same type of life as the fake world... we become actors in our own lives.  As we talked, we thought about the "things" we both wanted right now, for her it is a business... she knew she had a great business, from the concept to the actual product but she found herself struggling with balancing her 9-5 along with working on her passion... the business.  For me it was totally different, I have a deep desire for children, husband, and a family.  Funny both of us sitting, waiting, and wanting something different but what we realized is that we both had it all already.  See my friend had the business solid, she had the time to utilize for he business... she had the concept and the plan, but she was utilizing her time for other things... in her time management the business came last.  For me I had all I wanted as well.... I have a fabulously loving family and tons of children I can hug & kiss, I had a husband at one time and "marriage" didn't make me happy... I made me happy. In our conversation we realized we had everything in our lap, but here we were looking for some type of magic to happen banking on what we see on television.  Sure you see people on TV getting discovered... launching there business through a reality competition, or better yet finding "true love" on a reality competition... but?... those are actors/actresses... it's called reality but should be called "un-reality".  We actually live in our dreams.... life is your fantasy... we are perfection... it doesn't take a "un-reality" show to show us that everything we want is right there in front of our eyes. You see we've been looking at the big ass tree in front of our face... not realizing the beautiful forest thats behind it... pssst... it's waiting patiently for us to take notice! Love & Blessings. -Buttaflibabee