Tuesday, November 24, 2015


I've asked myself a millions questions this evening.  As I watch the newsfeed on my computer (because I HATE watching the news), reading various articles and then of course there’s social media the writer in me must and I mean MUST write, as insignificant or significant my words may be.  Does anyone remember Jeremiah Wright, anyone remember that “pro-black” preacher that happened to be the minister of our very own president?  Does anyone remember what he spoke about that got so many headlines, the words he said about this country?  Well I do.  Jeremiah Wright spoke about Karma…. In his words “America’s chickens are coming home to roost” these words were spoken as he reflected on the 911 bombings of the Trade Center and were thought of as being Un-American. Why?   This man spoke about the only true rule that not a single soul can escape from and that is… Karma.  This law is not something that has a target or some horrible poison label on the bottle, Karma is both good and evil, but regardless it is a law that every human must face, understand and abide by…if they are enlightened enough to know better.  I look at my city, Chicago and even though I’m from the suburbs, I still am a Chicagoan at heart, I mean hell you tell someone from New York your from Maywood, IL. **shrugs**  I look at all the chaos of my city and can’t help but feel the urge to warn those that look and turn a blinds eye to what is happening to our people, our black people in this city, in this world for that matter.  Black lives matter isn’t just a catchy slogan that gained popularity because of a few race related incidents around the country.  Black lives matter is a matter of you and me, whether you are white, or black, or Latino, or middle eastern, Asian, or African, when people start to realize there is infinite levels to this life game I guess that’s when the lightbulb will turn one.  We are all human beings on the face of the planet, every life matters but right now every life needs to focus on the lives that are being so carelessly tossed aside.  I don’t understand how someone can say this is a black community thing...this is a human being thing.  When all is said and done we are humans on this earth, not animals in the jungle, we are mindful humans that have the capacity to change the world like no other living creature.  Let's look at it like this every day we get into our cars (which are moving weapons) and we get on the highway with other cars, other moving weapons and we drive 60-70-80 miles and hour with our children and everyone that we love inside.  We trust the other drivers will do their part on the highway, we trust they will signal and use precaution when moving here and there but honestly this is life blood of mother earth, all the cars moving, us doing our jobs, making money having babies and living is what give earth life.  That’s what being here is all about, so if you don’t care about young black men and women getting killed everyday for little to nothing while you watch TV, eat your pizza, and scratch your balls or tits then just check out, seriously go somewhere in the mountains and just do that... nothing.  What are you here for just to care for your own, well guess what Bob...humans are your own!  Karma is something beautiful and cosmic, and clear, and direct, put something good out there and I promise something wonderful will come back to greet you!

Love & Blessings,

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Paper Chains

I was recently asked to write about what my mother has taught me on being a mother
The thought pondered in my mind…empty.  Nothing to say, nothing to write…well at least for now.
I thought more.
Then, the second question was asked “what have you learned since becoming a mother?” that question wasn’t as bad as the first but still very little came to mind.
No mental movement
No inspiring words to write.
No catchy phrases or play on words.
NO I thought about it… hold up, I had a happy upbringing clearly I have something to write.
I went home on my lunch break to attempt to break
… this feeling
I went stayed up late at night and had a class of wine, surely this would clear my writers block
But still...nothing.
Ok I got it my timing is off I have a lot on my mind, I have a new job so of course with work and baby and man and house… I’ll just give it a few days.
This feeling, this writer’s block began to eat at me
I thought to myself "how do you write about someone that has given you everything?"
Do take me seriously when I say my mom and even more her mom, my grandmother gave me EVERYTHING.
and so did yours.
Whether it be good or bad it was given all to you and me.
Her life and your life are one, an extension of hers into yours hers an own life an extension of her mothers.
It's basic
A Paper chain linking one to another.
Now how you chose to use your life is your link, your life, your existence, your chain is yours.
Even still, it is the extension
You are the exception to the rule.
You can extend that life in a positive beautiful and meaningful ways that is what my mother decided to extend from my grandmothers life.
What I hope to extend from my mother’s life is still in progress, still moving and chan-ging.
What I hope to plant enrooted and embed in the very fibers of my daughter links are things such as:
Unwavering support
Hope, let’s talk about hope.
When it all comes down and the world is tired of you, and you likewise are tired of the world, at the end of the day if there is no hope in your veins… you will lose, your link will rust, crumble and exist no more.
Her destiny is what my child choses but I am the root.
The first half of the game the links from which stem from God.
What you put into your child is the extension, but what your child decides to carry on from there is the chain, the lasting of life and legacy.
"How am I write about all of that?" I thought to myself … "you just did" I heard back.
Did I just hear a laugh???
I began looking at my child and how she is so much like me but yet soooo much more awesome than me.
These women I love because they are me, they birthed me, my grandmother birthed the one that birthed me and so I am them and they are me.
I didn't know this is what it would be like I had no clue you would do this to me But you did you turned my life around inside out and it explodes bursting with love in almost every second I see your face It's my love of my extension the one that is almost EXACTLY like me, but better Or maybe not better but definitely different and a good different.
 It's the simple extension of what's pure
What is love?
What it is to be a woman
One that bears life now bears a princess who will also bear life.
A Madonna and child
A Mother and daughter
A Queen and her Princess
The paper chain of life
The elementary construction that leads to indescribable joy.
The legacy of love between a mother and her sweet little girl

Love & Blessings,

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

She Called Us Suga Lump.

She called us sugar lump
She had nicknames for us like sugar lump, peachie and chicken 
the most strangest nicknames in the world.
My personal favorite was suga lump.
One thing was clear we always knew we were loved.
Thought of, and could capture the world in our hands if it was up to her
She taught me how to count to 100.
We practiced everyday...
While waiting for the bus 
This baby is too small to go to school!
Is what she told my mom at when I was 2 almost 3.
But regardless she helped me get on that bus, steps high as the sky.
Little bitty fat legs barely reaching the climb but by the time I got on she gave me a kiss good-bye her last baby.
She called me her suga-lump.
Every morning she'd fix us breakfast... 
Carlo & I ate GOOD!
Eggs & sausage or bacon,
biscuits with jelly or syrup, we were her babies... her last 2 suga lumps.
We would leave for school with full bellies and even more full hearts 
Stuffed to the top with hugs & kisses, squeezes and sweet words of encouragement.
You know you my babies... do you know how much I love you?
Grandmas sweet punkins!
She would cut flowers out her garden so I could take them to my teacher...
everyday to brighten their day.
She would let me watch Richard Simmons in the TV room while washing me up, 
butt naked all soapy and wet her baby was happy doing aerobics, and heck I was her suga lump!
At church we would each take a lap...Carlo had her left I always wanted the right. 
There we would ask for candy and she would oblige... in a kinda sorta way.
She would give us a cough drop, cherry if we were lucky.
We didn't care we would enjoy it just the same because it came from her...
the most beautiful woman in the world!
Her name was Annie but her friends and family called her Louise.
The woman that took honey in her coffee
and always sipped it slow with a spoon.
She cooked everyday and welcomed many to her table for a hot plate.
Her beauty transcended this time... her presence was quiet and glorious.
She called us her suga lumps
little did she know
She became ours.

Love & Blessings,
Buttaflibabee - Myskeshia (M.Y.S.K.E.S.H.I.A.)

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Just Breathe...

"The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it."
- Ernest Hemingway

     As I contemplate over the quote above, a quote that I've gazed upon everyday as it sits on my desk... unpretentious, unassuming, simple and clear. I think of it's meaning to me and how most writers must think and feel very much so the same.  It's not that writers don't speak... but more so we feel in words, the simple fact is communication comes to us clearer in written form.  The communion that I feel with God is certainly deeper and has more meaning when I write them out rather than speaking them out loud.  The speaking still happens but it's the silence, the written words that are connected to the universe like a prayer.

     While I was pregnant with my daughter I wrote to her almost every night in a journal I bought.  The journaling was a direct conversation we had through thoughts...no words, no sound just thought.  The importance of this internal connection became clear nine months later; while in the hospital just a day or so after giving birth to Jasmine I can recall this non-verbal communication taking on a lifesaving direction.  One night I was getting up out of the bed to gaze at her (as all new mommies do) and also go to the bathroom.  At that moment of gazing I saw my new baby gasping for air, unable to breathe... or maybe forgetting how... not knowing how, I mean my goodness she was new to all of this!  Here I was lying in bed comfortable, not even having a need to really go to the bathroom at all but compelled to go sneek a peek and look at her, and now I'm watching my newborn suffocating on plain ole air.  I quickly remembered what I was taught in "New Mommy's" class a few weeks prior, the instructor, a registered nurse, had told us if you find your baby unable to breathe simply breathe your breath into her lungs in one continuous motion of breathing.  Eventually her breath will catch with your breath...so I did just that.  She stared at me looking straight through me as if she knew I was there to save her life.  I slowly and steadily breathed into her body, opening and closing her lungs for her, teaching her how to do this breathing thing on her own in the outside world... outside of my womb.  I was her world in that moment, I was her creator, her savior, her everything.  She knew that in my hands nothing would hurt her and that I would do all I could in my power to save her and would lose my own life to rescue hers.

     I remember that moment vividly because even now I find myself waking up seconds before she starts crying.  I can sense her shift in bed, I can feel when she's too hot or too cold... it's that internal thread, that connection that we felt before she was even born.  I know, but more so I feel that same connection with God.  When I write even before I put in a request for guidance I feel the presence already there.  Times have changed, my life is different, the old me is dead and gone, but the constant significance between the created and creator remains the same.  We are gasping for air several times throughout the day, forgetting how to breathe on our own for just a moment.  The creator appears teaching us what we already knew and giving us life, making the divines breath our breath.  Writing is life for me, its how I think and I how pray.  The simplicity of it has not changed, I just forgot how to breathe in my new world... my daughter Jasmine has taught me this lesson, and I can't wait to see what she teaches me next.

Love & Blessings,

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

She Chose Me.

She chose me
to love her.. to nurture her... to give her life
through my life, through my body.
My little flower, my precious Daisy baby
She chose me
to feed her
to swing her
to guide her through
this thing called "living".
On this side of the life
My pretty Jasmine baby
You were planted in my dreams
years ago.
At that moment you and God watched
waited and select me
I still can't  believed
you both chose me.
The sweet anticipation of things
to come
Our connection like a hum in a drum
a special type of rhythm
You chose me to be your vessel
to love you like no other
Mysteriously and miraculously given
by the creator
you chose me to be the root you sprout life in
to bless my world like clouds raining down sweet sweet drops of heaven
I'm still in awe that you would choose me
but in that selection you did more
you are able to make two lives better
I can't imagine life without you... inside growing
yet so ready see your precious smile
your face
to kiss your cheeks, soft and perfectly made
to gaze into your eyes
to smell your skin
I'm so glad you chose me
my beautiful blessing developing
from within
made through love the sweetest gift I have ever been given
And yet the thought still so remarkable and marvelous... the fact that
you chose me
I hope I am all you ever dreamed me to be
my sweet Daisy baby
my daughter... Jasmine Louise-Marie.

Love & Blessings,

Monday, December 30, 2013

The Sweetest Surrender.

Sweet Surrender
It’s the gift of love, the truth of spirit the confidence in all there is
It is sweet surrender
It’s the light that shines without shades or blocking
The rays that sink into skin, soul, heart, and our deepest callings
It’s the way of being that when first called to earth we knew
A baby’s sweet breath the feeling of fresh spring mornings dew
I cannot describe it and to be honest I’m not quite sure what came over me
But when you allow God to speak and move into your heart your whole existence surrender happens 
much more freely
It’s the expansion of vision that’s understood to be much bigger than you and I
A whisper
A cry
A breathless sigh
It’s the sweet surrender of all our earthly heavy loads
It’s the one true test
The truest mission sent to walk through and behold
It’s grace given that we wake up and finally see
The path is not ours to create or design, no more like a co-creation
It is with him…
Yes! He's the one who leads!
It is our journey we look at today and right now
Your purpose is hand held guided mission from above 
It is sweet surrender; it is the biggest form of love
For unto us a glorious mission has been wrapped, hand crafted, blessed and totally free 
It’s the love from us to the Master
The love from the Master to me.
It's called the sweetest surrender.

Love & Blessings,


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Thank you...

Ok, so lately I’ve been feeling a bit blue.  I've had many things recently that has been swirling around in my head and in my heart and it's caused me to feel down, upset, and very melancholy.  I haven’t had much of an urge to write or be around too many people lately besides my mom and maybe my close family.  Basically I haven't had the desire to socialize or enjoy life as a whole.  And even though I've just aced a class that kicked my butt, and will be taking the next a couple months off, one would think this would bring me to a level of calm and peace…well it hasn’t.  By no means am I saying it doesn’t feel good to just come home, relax and not do nothing. The  nothingness that we all pray for has now opened up the doorway to my disorderliness and more importantly, how I need to fix it.  Along with those thoughts of  not enought, I've also been feeling a bit crazy and stuck in a place that I don’t want to be in.  Hopefully in future blogs I will be able to share and explain in more details what created these feelings, but for right now I want to simply discuss how I’ve decided to get un-stuck.

I was sleeping in my bed and woke up to use the bathroom like we do throughout the night, and while I was half asleep half awake I found myself fussing about everything going on in my life.  All of these thoughts running around the comforts of my silent mind.  I fussed about having to pee, I fussed about not feeling so good, I fussed about the fact that I have to get up in a few hours and that I was tired, that I didn’t know what I was going to wear, what  I was going to eat, what I was going to do with my hair.  Everything caused me to bite and bitch… everything!  As I got back into the bed I noticed how cold I was and instantly how warm I became as I eased into my comfy bed with all it's blankets.  That’s when God spoke!  God simply said do you really want to be like this?  Is this really who you are?  If you can find one thing to complain about then do me a favor and find 2 other things to be thankful for inside of that complaint.  In that moment I thought well I only have 2 more hours to sleep but aren’t I blessed to have slept 5 ½ hours prior to that?  Aren’t I blessed to have a warm bed to climb into? Aren’t I blessed to have peaceful sleep free of critters and crawlies and others pushing for position in my bed?  Aren’t I blessed to have a job that enjoys having me as a part of their team, a job with great benefits that I can honestly say I'm actually good at?  So many insignificant complaints about my clothes and hair, so I thought… aren’t I blessed to have hair to comb?  This is October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month there are women out there who don’t have the luxury of combing her own hair...SHAME ON ME!

Later on that day it proved to be even more of a day to stop and end the complaints, as I found out a friend of mine suffered the most tragic loss a father could ever suffer, the loss of his only child.  Never in a million years would I have ever thought the importance of not complaining would carry and reach so deep within in myself, but it has.  So I've decided to take on this challenge and I hope you all can join me in stopping the complaints and instead start to say thanks.  The moment you feel the desire to complain, stop before you even speak it or think and in that moment think of 2 things to be thankful for amongst that complaint.   As we approach the season of thanksgiving I think we can all use a little soul searching and appreciation for what we already have.  Not the things we want or the things money can buy, but the small and sometimes forgotten things like comfort, safety, family, friends and the love we all share between each other.  Think before complaining and be thankful you have another day to say thanks.

Love & Blessings,