This post will probably go down as my shortest post ever...but in actuality who cares? I needed to write about this subject before I explode ooooor I'm haunted by it forever. Have you ever loaned money to the wrong person? Sure most of us have, but have you ever repeatedly loaned money in your past and because of it your in a position of serious financial hardships. I have... I have in the past but it still haunts me today. I have asked for this money back... I have forgiven and have tried to forget... I have prayed about it... but still I need my fucking money!? What do you do? I can't sue, no address. The worst part is... I still support (emotionally) and try to befriend this nigga... and still no doe?! I know I shouldn't be friends with this person anymore. I also realize I should tell them to pay me back now... but how? I don't know what to do, which is why I've come to this platform... my stage to ask... What do I do?
I feel your pain in what you have written, but I believe there is something you can do. You have conquered so many other things. But first....There are many layers to your post. I venture to say that 'yes' , everyone you know has loaned money and not been repaid. However, you have not just loaned money, you have allowed yourself to be abused, emotionally and a degree of guilt and money have been the vehicle for doing so. You are tied, first, emotionally, and with that emotion there is or can be a degree of guilt that you are somehow responsible for this person's well being. They haven't been able to take care of themselves so you are rescuing them. But, you take care of yourself in many ways so why can't they, an adult like you, take care of themselves? Although the 'loaning' is serious and detrimental, it is an extension of the emotional abuse you are subjected to with this individual and that you allow. We set limits . All of us. Your limits are very loose and have created a co dependent relationship. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Don't blame yourself anymore. I strongly suggest that you do three things immediately. One, remove the person's phone number from your cell phone. Keep the number, but make it harder to call. Remove the person's contact information from all email accounts to make it harder to email. Stop lending money like yesterday. Then write a letter without begging, pleading, apologies or any of the sort. Write a list, an account of all money you have lent with the closest date you can remember. Explain that you want the money by , let's say, the end of June or a payment plan. Investigate small claims court and tell the person that you are going to do so. Then do it. You may not recover the money, but you will demonstrate clear, decisive action. Taking charge and taking action is empowering. Then stop and I do mean stop, communicating. Adults will sink or swim on their own. You can do this. You know I love you and I've been where you are. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteYou have to fight it love. You are giving and they aren't giving back. Time to work on parting from this person.
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