Sunday, February 13, 2011

Walls.

It's funny how when we're born we have no preconceived notions about anything, our guard down without knowing and we love completely & without restraint.  As we mature that carefree attitude is considerably different, life molds us in a way that is far different than our childlike selves.  We have no doubt experienced situations that would make us look at people, relationships & issues differently, at this point in adulthood we have walls that have been constructed due to experiences, our own pain as well as our successes which result in in undoubted happiness. Initial introductions of a new job, a new person, and a new relationship constructs these wall of protection instinctually but the depth and height of each wall can vary depending on each particular situation.  Eventually the question arises if you want to tear down these protective walls, do you desire the full experience of life?  If this internal wall... this barrier does not come down we will experience life restricted...suffocated and absent of real joy. Life will feel like an isolation chamber, you'll be able to look up, you may even feel the comfort of the familiar space, but the enormous world that's out there will not be discovered.  The reason why I am writing about the walls that we tend to construct in our lives is because those feelings of restriction is how I've felt for over 30 years.  Even though I appear to be a very outgoing and comfortable I would relax confines of the small space located in my soul... the isolation chamber in my mind.  Slowly I have torn down these walls one by one, but still I find myself quickly constructing new ones, no more than 2 weeks ago did I come to the realization that a friend of mine had no idea who I was, never able to really experience Keshia.  I had such shameful   feelings as I reflected on our relationship, saddened by the way I treated him, our friendship, and ultimately my soul. I emailed him a quick apology simply stating that I felt bad for treating him so mean, I know that didn't really explain much but at least I felt better knowing that I could now forgive myself for such a huge mistake. I could go into details about every single wall I've constructed and explain myself to every single individual how sorry I was that I constructed a wall between them and the real me.  I could go into detail with every employer, teacher, relative, and friend about how this "person" they came across from time to time was simply behind glass like a prisoner, the glass was simply protecting my soul.  Right now I am seeing the fullness of life, breathing in the fresh air that surrounds me and appreciating what a beautiful world I live in.  I once lived in a life that had air... stale air, it had life, it even had successes and failures but the comfort that I felt in that small room and the fear I had outside of those walls were able to overcome my opportunities.  The walls suffocated life's promises, and stifled whatever growth tried to emerge from within.  Walls are good God created them for a reason, but for some reason I feel they're best for buildings not human beings. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

3 comments:

  1. I had no idea you had a blog! I'm favorite-ing this, girl you ROCK!!! Do I need to shower you with comments again for V-day?

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  2. Thanks so much guys! I really appreciate my readers.

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