Monday, June 7, 2010

Blow out your candles and make a wish...

Sometimes you gotta go through hell in order to reach your heaven. Two weekends ago I had the joy of spending time with 2 very special little ladies, and in spending time with them I realized just how magical life is. Now trust me they have learned to be little girls, and with that there's whining, crying and just plain throwing temper tantrums but underneath it all is that sweet peace of just being. It was so funny, my God daughters birthday was this particular weekend and she was turning 4, so of course we talked about blowing out the candles and making a wish... and in the innocent, pure moment my Goddaughter asks me "Keshia when I blow out my candles what are you gonna wish for?" I thought about it and for the first time I thought and said... "well nothing much sweetie, Keshia's perfect... and anything that comes my way is all good and will only make things better". For the first time I realized in telling her that I wished for nothing I could have bored her with the "I want to loose 30 lbs", or tell her about my wish to move out of my parents place, or that I want to be debt free, but all of that was irrelevant for her almost 4 year old life... and in that moment I realized it was irrelevant in my 30 something year old life. I would not be in this place of peace without much heartache and for what I would account for as my own personal hell... we all have a thing that we must go through. We all have some type of issue that needs to be worked out, for me it's the feeling of inadequacy and not feeling good enough. I also know these feelings of inadequacy contributed to childhood issues which transcended into teen issues... those teen issues then became young adult situations... those young adult situations then became grown ass relationship issues!!! I have finally come to the realization that the relationship issues weren't anything to do with the other person or the relationship itself, this issue was all about me, my past and how it is able to still effect my right now... my present. You see when my sweet little Goddaughter asked me what I wished for I realized, in that moment, I wished for nothing everything I wanted, needed, and could ever desire I already possessed. Regardless of my past or what is transpiring right now, today is always going to be all good. No matter what designs I have for my future, right now is giving me just what I need. I wish for nothing except for more of what I have right now, I wish for the happiness of today and for all my friends, family and readers to be able to experience the same level of joy that I can finally say I'm experiencing. This all came from experiencing hell... but I wouldn't have done it any other way. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

1 comment:

  1. that's good that you are in this place in your life. i don't know though, i feel like i'll never have a day where i don't wish for something? is that being greedy?