Thursday, March 4, 2010
Life is too short... NOT!
I am anxious... hmmm this feeling of anxiety is due to a feeling like I am ready, ready for what you may ask. I am at a point where I know my purpose and that is to continue writing my blog and heal from the wounds that we all in some way shape or form collectively share. I am feeling as though I'm ready for love, is it time to fall in love... I think it is... hell let's be honest I don't know! The last time I said I was ready for love I really wasn't, so now I wait, wait patiently for the universe to tell me... better yet show me that love has arrived. Maybe I feel this way because I'm a woman...I mean let's face it as women we have an innate desire to be comforted by loved ones, desired by male companions, and embraced by our family. This is just who we are as women so I cherish that part of who I am and keep it moving. Maybe I feel this way because I haven't had sex in over 3 months (yes 3 looooong months) whatever the case may be I'm feeling this anxiety for now so lets just say it's due to love or lack there of. I had mentioned earlier that the last time I felt as if I was ready for love and thought I wanted love to enter my life I ended up married... and now I'm divorced... soooo so much for "thinking" I'm ready for love, right? Deepok Chopra says when we force ourselves to live within the constraints of time it is unnatural and we are actually going against our bodies, along with that he says our cells and atoms live and exist without knowing about time they simply exist. Dates, time frames and keeping time evolved as a method, discovered and designed to make things more logical so that our society could function smoothly, as we became civilized humans it was a necessity to keep time because without "time" our lives would exist in an unorganized and chaotic fashion. Today we have misconstrued the essence of what time was designed for, we have all the time in the world and we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. Basically as people we don't necessarily have to "get it in" just because we think we are running out of time. The question still remains... how do I remain patient for love, and not become ridiculously frustrated & anxious by waiting? How do I manage being single without male stimulation... basically ya'll... how do I not settle and still remain satisfied? These questions I often times find myself pondering and I'm sure many of my followers ask the same questions... how do I except were I am as a single woman and feel satisfied at my current status, even though I yearn for male stimulation? The answer is easy... there is no such thing as "life's too short" now I'm sure most of you are smirking and saying "really Myskeshia?"- yes really. I say to you life is not to short... life is today, it is nothing more than right now...your current situation is your situation. Whether you are single, married, divorced, or looking for love the fact is you choose, we have this second, this minute, this day to make it the best. So when I "thought" I was ready for love what I really was ready for was a wedding and that's exactly what I got... a beautiful wedding. I didn't realize what I truly desired and desire is a satisfying love, a sumptuous connection with a man... and for that man to potentially be my life partner. I wanted and still want more, I want a deeper richer type of love, sure my thirst was quenched for the time being but I didn't get the satisfaction my heart was seeking. Think of it like this... I desired ice water in a pretty glass with a crystal straw, yummy crisp taste and big fat ice cubes floating in it to insure it was ICE COLD. Now what I ended up with was water... period, the water wasn't cold it didn't have fat juicy ice cubes in it, it wasn't in a pretty glass... hell it didn't even have a damn straw... it... was... water... room temp. Now I'm not saying this to cut down my ex husband I'm simply saying our relationship (not him) was room temperature water and in that moment I was simply tired of being thirsty! I know this sounds shallow but thankfully today I am heading in the right direction, now I'm not saying I have it all figured out but I can identify with the thirst quenching feeling I desire in a relationship, so if the thirst quenching relationship is not revealed today and right now than I am happy with my current situation. I'd much rather be single than settle for just room temp water. The reason my everyday is a day of happiness is simply because I am living an extraordinary life right now... single and extraordinary because I have the opportunity to do what I love. Writing my blog and sharing my life with others to such a degree that my followers can find a connection with me and what I'm experiencing. My posts bring me such joy, joy right now, joy this minute, joy this very second. Tomorrow will happen the same way today is happening... right now, but today is happening right now -right now and that's really what matters the most. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee