Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Head bunting=Meeting of the minds

So, this weekend was an eventful one for me, I hung out with friends and family, and in the midst of relaxing and having a good time I realized how abundant my life really is. Back in the day I felt comfortable in appearing meek, small, mild. Not too long ago I held resentment towards my dad... I couldn't stand his arrogance, I became upset when he would brag or boast about us (me & my brother), or my mom, or our life. I didn't understand how hard both of my parents worked to provide for us so whatever we wanted, I'm also sure my parents had to work on there relationship... that we could grow up with both of them in our lives. Today I realized they did a pretty good job... heck their still together! Throughout the weekend I began to understand my dad and what I'm sure he would much rather categorize as pride... nothing more, nothing less than unadulterated pride. My last name is Leon which means lion, my dad and brother are coincidentally are both Leo's but my dad, more so than my brother, embodies all that a lion is. My dad doesn't walk... he struts, if he's in a hurry he glides... never to break his stance and presence. Early 2010 I found myself struggling to find balance in my life and I couldn't get it... I simply couldn't understand the "my shit doesn't stink" attitude that my father seemed to always have, we always seemed to bump heads because where he saw pride I saw conciete. For most of my life I hated the conceited nature of my dad and others like him, but this weekend I finally saw my father for the man he is... yes, he is arrogant... yes, he is conceited... yes, he can be aloof... and yes, he should be! My father for all intentions believed that he, his wife, and his children were to inherit the world... if he could serve it on a silver platter to my older brother & I he would. My dad fought to prove we were the best thing walking... and he would become frustrated when we didn't see our own greatness. I could only imagine his frustration when I was younger and the worry he must have felt about his 280lb 12year old daughter... that must've been seriously f*cked up! I remember he would beg and plead with me to loose weight, but all I could hear was criticism and hate. I can't imagine as a father what he had to feel, sometimes my dad tells me "if anyone tried to hurt you Keshia I would kill them", he tells me that he would die before he allows something-or someone harm me... but to think that the enemy, for nearly 30 years was herself. He had to have felt like he wanted to die just so I could wake up skinny... but yet my dad had to back off, so that the change could come from within. I think about how I shifted throughout my life... just waiting for things to happen, not really putting forth much of an effort... how insane. Today I lift my parents up for loving me and not giving up on me... silently allowing me to make mistakes and still standing by my side. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

1 comment:

  1. that's great that you see what your dad's real intentions are and love him for who he really is. parents only do things because they really, really love you. always remember that.