Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Truth... R.I.P.

They always say "the truth will set you free"... right? Yes, the truth will set you free but it's not just telling the truth to other people that's important but it's also telling the truth to yourself that will truly set you free. Back in the day when I was my former fatgirl self, I would always tell myself that I just liked to eat, that dammit if it wasn't for Nancy's Pizza (pizza place in chicago)and chocolate cake I would be all good... ALL WRONG! The fact is yes it was my addiction to food that created an illusion and made it seem as if it were all about the food. Once I learned how to listen to what I was really craving I understood that it had nothing to do with the taste pizza and cake. I was craving attention, comfort, and love... love that I thought I could achieve from cheesy & chocolate goodness. I was craving more from life but I didn't know how to get there... that was the truth. See when I looked at the truth with a open heart and forgave myself for loving food more than myself, that was when I was able to heal. I used to hate myself for my past mistakes of compulsive eating, because of course my body had definitely taken a beating from the weight... but the difference today is that I love my fatgirl former self and her body, without living that life and without facing that truth, without going through that struggle, I wouldn't be where I am today... I wouldn't be who I am today... I wouldn't be blessed to share my life today. I have a lot of truths that I need to face... truths that before I look at as being "bad" like I once did food... but food wasn't the enemy and neither are the feelings that I am feeling today. I love... and I feel love, but for some reason I am afraid to admit when I love somebody, I'm afraid to admit that I love myself... and I guess I'm afraid of rejection from others and myself... funny huh? So today I am surrendering myself to love, allowing myself to be loved, giving myself permission to forgive the former fatgirl and loving myself enough to want a new start. See I used to look in the mirror and loath the former fatgirl, struggled to love myself or allow love to enter because I have such a visual reminder of the struggle. This weekend I've decided to let the former fatgirl Rest. In. Peace. It's time to forgive myself by creating myself anew, my mind has caught up to the changes so now it's time to allow my body to follow. I will be having a full bodylift (the plastic surgery procedure that removes excess skin after major weight loss), I have the support of friends and family so now it's time to share the experience with my caring readers. I will be blogging about the consultations and the experience. I trust that there are many people who will experience the forgiveness of self, or those feeling like it's time to move on with life, in some way or another. So lets be on our way today... on our way to forgiveness of self... on the way to a new us... and on our way to love. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

1 comment:

  1. wow, i know you've wanted this for some time now! when do you start the process, are you really doing it?!