Thursday, August 19, 2010

Cherry on top.

So when does faith, or should I say blind ambition become stupidity? I think about some of the things I wished, hoped and prayed for years ago... a house... a husband... a child... lots of money.... career that I loved.  Now that list sounds pretty basic much like what, I'm sure, most people wish for but when it comes to what you really want you may want to scratch the surface a bit more. I have this desire, but it's more than a desire I feel it's my destiny to meet and marry my soulmate, now I know your thinking..."that sounds like wishin for a man again Keshia"... yes but no.  I feel it's my destiny to meet my soulmate not just for a look, or to fulfill what is thought of as being ideal... but to create a force... the  force of:The "fill in the blank" Family.  I want to meet and marry my soulmate because I want to be a mother like my mother and I know I can't be that mother without marrying a partner... a father to contribute all the fantastic things that make up fatherhood. I want a family nuecleus much like the one I grew up in... soooo yes, I am finally admitting to the fact that 1.I want a family (not just a child) 2. I want to love more 3. I'm ok if I don't get it. The difference is in the #3... the fact that I'm okay if I don't get #1 & #2.  Before I wanted the child & husband because I thought that was the only way... now my desire is still there but it's not necessary.  Once I let go of the need to have a family and minimized it to just a desire... a want... things began to change.  I began to look at things and simplified it for myself... sure i want a family but it's a bonus, like a child getting a toy... a bonus... they don't need the toy they want the toy. By no means am I compairing child rearing to owning a toy, but you are choosen to care for the life a innocent child. You see to me having a family is like the cherry on top of a sundae, the sundae's still awesome... it's yummy beyond belief... icy... creamy... chocolatey .... but the cherry makes it special.  Love & Blessings - Buttalfibabee

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