Friday, August 13, 2010

Earwax

Last night I had a dream about earwax,  as gross as that may sound if you know me you know that dream like a rock star!  My dreams are vivid and movie like and this particular dream had me spinnin because of the absurdity of it all... EARWAX... REALLY?! So I went to my handy dandy dream dictionary (yes I have one of those) and looked up, with the swiftness, "meaning of earwax", they gave me a mean of "listening.. to finally hear... at one point you were turning a 'deaf ear' which made alot of sense because recently I've been thinking about some of my past relationships... all of them.. the good... the bad... and the ugly, post & pre-marriage/ divorce.  As I thought about the silliness I brought into my life by simply refusing to clean my ears and listen to the obvious.  I must say I am extremely happy though to be in the place that I'm in, only by grace, was this possible... only by forgiveness is this attainable.  The relationships that I was involving myself in we're simply absurd... stupid and just plain crazy, but what made it even more ridiculous was the fact that I was okay with being treated like garbage, to think, here I was convincing myself I was better than all that, stronger, tougher than most, I would say..."oh hell naw Keshia doesn't get treated like trash"... well hell yes I did. I pitied myself for a minute but that minute is over now, the pain is over... the humiliation is over... and my ears are now clear and clean ready to listen up to the obvious.  I now find that most things aren't really as hard as we make it out to be... we fail to stay alert, we aren't really ready to listen, most times it's simply because we don't want to hear whats being said.  You know how your mom says -make sure you keep your eyes & ears open for danger- the fact is we protect our self first by listening to our surroundings, it's a way of protecting yourself from danger... it's how we stay safe, like your momma said. My earwax dream helped me realize how much I turned a deaf ear... how much I compromised my safety by not listening... by not paying attention to what was inevitably going to happen. This led me through a period of growth but guess what? Ears are open and ready to listen....haha! - Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee

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