Wednesday, August 25, 2010

She's ain't me...

So most of you know I read a lot of Deepak  Chopra and in his most recent book he talks about how your true self, who you are really, is there inside you but it's the ego or the impostor  that comes out to play when you are struggling within.  In the book there is a man that suffers from depression and in order to get a grasp of his depression Deepak Chopra had him practice an exercise that requires you to address your impostor face on as if it were another human being and tell that struggle "your not me". I, at that point, thought about my blog and what I felt would be a fantastic title (at that time)... "Confessions of a Fatgirl" perfect... but... wrong! When I read about the exercise it dawned on me I was identifying with the Fatgirl, hell I was giving her a title making her the star of the show... and making this blog about her... and how I've come to peace with her.  Well I'm here to tell you... She's not me!  I, of course at that point decided to change the title of my blog which is now titled: "Confessions of a Girl"... that girl being me... not she.  I wrote her a lil note, and you can read it below...

Dear Fatgirl,

I must say... I don't hate you but I really don't like your ass no more, you taking up too much of my damn time.  Seems like everytime I take 2 steps forward your ass wants me to hang out for a minute... so what do I do... take a step back to talk to your weak ass.  Well now I'm here to say... you ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell outta here! I know you don't have a home but this one for sure is not yours.  I'm exhausted with you keepin up shit... you've made me think I'm weak... you've allowed me to think I'm a no body... but you know what I hate the most?... how you had me fooled to believe I didn't deserve the very best, hell I'm a Léon dammit! I deserve the absolute best... and you know why... my daddy says so. To think, when I was younger you had me convinced I was ugly, worthless, and an over all empty human being... hell no wonder why I ate so much... I was tryin to tune your loud ass out, but it made you louder.  So now that you have quieted down to a whisper let me make this plain and simple.  I know who I am and it is most definitely not you, so with that being said you have over stayed your welcome and you can see yourself to the door... I unlocked it for you.

This excercise is part of my process and you may have just started to desire the very best for yourself.  I hope if anyone is in a time of turmoil this will help you confront your issue head on, if you have a demon or something that your struggling with confront that something on a personal level and tell that issue... you ain't me!  Love & Blessings - Buttaflibabee

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