Sunday, January 31, 2010

Scars of forgiveness

I definitely needed some time away from my blog. I never thought that through writing this, that for once, I would heal as drastically as I have, but then again... maybe I did. Well today I feel like this was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life, deciding to take ownership of my past... the good, and the bad, and the ability and power to forgive. I feel forgiveness is like VIP access to happiness... it gets you there faster. So forgive I must. Now grant it I won't forget but I must forgive, so that I can continue this journey. The funny thing is that I finally understand that the hurt that I have felt, and still feel, is actually making me the complete and whole person that I am. It doesn't necessarily feel good all the time, and absolutely does not feel good in the moment, but when I look back, it was worth the pain. I sometimes wince when I look in the mirror, due to the sagging skin, stretch marks and skin discoloration. I wince at my own image. As I stand in the mirror I have to look slowly at myself and tell myself, you are beautiful, you are sexy, you are pretty. I stand there naked, telling myself what I know is true, but still need to say it so that I convince myself all over again, everyday... everyday. Every time I wake up in the morning I am reminded of he pain that I experienced by being obese for so long, every time I look in the mirror I am reminded of the pain... every time. Like a burn victim after their burns have healed, they are still always reminded of the fire because of the scars. I look at my body and forgive myself for not caring more about myself all of those years, but the scars are still there to remind me, still I forgive. So forgive, not only others but also yourself, remember its like VIP access to happiness... it gets you there faster! Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

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