Saturday, April 10, 2010


So when does following your passion or your dream become blind faith? Sometimes I feel that when I really want something... I mean really want something I find a way to wish it away, I've done this throughout my process of weight loss, relationships and jobs. It seems like when I want something and I find myself moving toward it, for some reason I have a glitch... an itch if you will, and wish it away. I'm so confused about this defect, or feeling, confused enough that I find myself pondering it often, this reaction is something inside of me that presses a "jinx" button and then for whatever reason I kill my chances. I can recall having my first real job, I was doing phenomenal in the beginning it was like I was a superstar and then all of a sudden things changed instantly... pressed the jinx button... damn. With my weight loss, I was losing like a maniac, melting you could say, and then for whatever reason... pressed the jinx button... damn. Now some people would say that it's my mind, or my own self doubt... whatever it is, I get really close to achieving my goal and then I stop having faith in myself... I press the jinx button... damn. I'm really confused about this emotional defect I seem to have quite often, this reaction happens often enough where I blog about it... frequent enough that I can identify with it... and heavy enough where it makes substantial shifts in my life. Now the question is how do I manage it? This emotional reaction is apparently such a strong enough feeling that it will not easily go away... so again I ask... how do I manage it? Live in the questions and that's how you come to the answer... I gotta tell you living in the questions is sometimes a difficult thing to do... so I persevere live in this question of why I have such strong feelings of self doubt and self condemnation. Hmmmm... can't wait to discover the answer to that... and begin a life of no doubt and total self love. Love & Blessings. - Buttaflibabee

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